


Behind The White Picket Fence

by NoFacedFaith



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awesome Kenny, Bullying, Carla is disturbed, Carrie inspired, Disownment, Eren's eyes, F/F, High School, Hitch and Bitch rhyme, Humiliation, Literature, M/M, Mentions of past prostitution, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Siblings, Non-binary character, Poverty, Protective Levi, Protective Mikasa, Punishment, Punk-ish Levi, Religion, Revenge, Self-Harm, Smart Eren Yeager, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4515936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoFacedFaith/pseuds/NoFacedFaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren was supposed to only be another blurred face that passed me by through the school corridors; an insignificant human that barely influenced the life I led. So how, through all the curves and ambushes laid out by fate, did he become what he has? A vital piece to all of our lives, the very beating heart that keeps the world moving, coloured, and breathing the life I had craved in the monotone of uniformity.<br/>And all this came from the inner boundaries of that fence; the wall that separated us from the tragedy of his life. Eren Jaeger; show me what you hide behind your white picket fence.<br/>Show me the monster I know you have become.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After School on a Winter Day

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by Stephen King's novel 'Carrie', but without all the telekinesis and supernatural aspects. I know that at the beginning of this fic Eren seems completely OOC, but that will be made up later, so don't worry. Also, Carla isn't the beautiful angel she is portrayed as in many other stories, so if you dislike this representation, it may be best for you to find another work to read. I haven't set any schedule as to when i will update, so it will all be very random. I hope you don't mind.  
> Well, I hope you enjoy the first chapter.

I think it’s fair to say that Eren Jaeger was pretty well known at my school. Although, not in the good way – the exact opposite, actually. He was the school outcast, the one that never seemed to fit in; not even in the sub-cultural cliques that huddled together on the fringe of society.

I remember Eren always roamed the halls with this nervous gate, eyes averted to the polished floor just ahead, fast enough to avoid potential conversations but not enough to attract unwanted attention. It seemed to me that he had perfected the art of making himself invisible even before entering Maria High School; always securing a seat at the back of the class, keeping a low profile in the presence of people, and vanishing during breaks. But he didn’t always seem to succeed in his disappearing acts, for he was sometimes seen with a split lip or bruised face, limping to class in supressed agony, presumably from a few assholes who found beating vulnerable peers an amusing sport.

I probably should have felt sorry for the kid, because he was clearly going through a lot, but I simply couldn’t find it in myself to care. I doubt hardly anyone did, really. Maybe except Armin Arlert, my younger sister Mikasa’s best friend, who seemed to have an endless supply of shits to give about random people. He was definitely the type to work at soup kitchens and make friends at volunteer activities, or some other shit like that. I was first introduced to him when he was about seven or so, and frankly, he hasn’t changed much since then – both physically and characteristically. He still had the soft, expressive features of a pre-pubescent kid, and a childish blonde bob that swayed at the back of his pale neck. If you can imagine getting a ten year-old brat and stretching him vertically, that’s what Armin looks like. However, his intellect was another matter entirely. There were many life-times worth of knowledge and wisdom crammed into his head, and it was a wonder how he retained his innocent sympathy instead of turning bitter and cynical like the typical elderly you find loitering around bars all hours of the day.

But that was Armin, and that compassion was rare in the world I lived in.

The majority of the school population was simply indifferent to the existence of Eren Jaeger. He was just another blurred face that made up the image we had of our school, and only ever directed our attention his way when we though we may be served some brief entertainment. I had never even stopped to consider how pitiful he was, and probably never would have, if it weren’t for that one winter night that changed the course of my life in a way no one could have ever predicted.

* * *

 

I was splayed over the three-seater couch in front of the TV set, channel surfing dismissively after I’d skipped last period. It was a Friday afternoon and the classroom had no heating, so I saw no reason to freeze my arse off while doing nothing all lesson when I could do the same thing in the comfort of my own home. I would probably be scolded by my mum, but I didn’t care. Never did, and never will.

I could barely hear anything outside over the hum of electric heaters and droning voices from the TV, but could guess that it was fucking cold, and I spared a thought to pity anyone who didn’t have the balls like me to ditch their commitments for the sake of comfort.

Just as I had settled on an afternoon news program, I heard the front door creak open and the sound of multiple pairs of feet shuffling down the corridor carried itself to me. I assumed it was Mikasa that had come home with Armin, so stayed facing the television screen. I caught fragments of their hushed conversation, and realised that there must be someone else with them.

‘You two wait in the kitchen while I go get the first aid kit.’

‘Okay. Umm, are you sure you’re alright?’

‘Yeah, I’m more worried about you two.’

Curious as to whom the third party was, I craned my neck back just in time to see Mikasa emerge from the corridor entrance, soon followed by Armin and then…

Eren Jaeger.

I knew my usually stoic face betrayed the surprise I felt, but didn’t bother trying to tame it, because why the fuck was that kid being led by the arm through my house? He looked a bit shaken and his tan skin seemed tacky with sweat. I recognized his fidgety walk as the one he always used, though I got the feeling he was even more uncomfortable here than at school. His shoulders were hunched forwards and head bent down, making his messy mop of dark brown hair fall over his face more so than usual. I briefly wondered how he could even see in front of him with it covering his eyes like that.

I also cringed at the state of his clothes, all of which were too large for his lanky frame and dangled loosely in all their hand-me-downs glory. His jeans were faded and had tears that made him look even scruffier, not made any better by a wrinkled flannel shirt that’s sleeves reached to his fingers. The only thing that seemed to have any chance of protecting him from the frigid temperatures was an ancient looking brown jacket that I would have expected some ex-veteran hunter to wear on his expeditions, although it also succeeded in swallowing him up in its uneven fabric.

To me, he was the very image of a poor working class kid, and I felt I could understand why he must have felt so out of place. He didn’t hit in. He couldn’t. He was too far from the privileged lifestyle I led, and lacked the self-confidence to hold his head up when in the presence of others like myself. He was too conscious of his own standing and role in society, and I got the impression that he didn’t consider himself ever breaking free from those constraints.

For the very first time, I felt immense pity for the Jaeger kid.

Armin saw me first, and nodded to me in greeting as he led his guest right past me to the kitchen island. I noticed a reddish-purple bruise blooming across his temple and a fresh graze on his chin, which was unfortunately not an uncommon sight.

Ever since Armin was in pre-school, he had been the target of bullies and harassers pretty much non-stop. I didn’t know whether it was because of his studious nature or meek personality, but he just seemed to attract pricks like a selective magnet. But ever since he befriended Mikasa in primary school, these incidents reduced immensely. My sister and I may not be at the pinnacle of the social hierarchy, but there is no doubt that we have earned respect from students and teachers alike, and they all know not to mess with us if they value their lives. However, every now and again some filth will seep through our defences and harm those under our protection. But not once did these slip-ups go unpunished, nor will that ever change.

If you harm us or anyone important to us, we’ll hurt you more. Simple as that.

I watched as Armin sat Jaeger on a stool then scurried about the kitchen to get three cups of water, pausing and calling out ‘Levi, would you like some water as well?’ I waved my hand dismissively and he seemed to get the message. Armin then tentatively sat next to Jaeger, who seemed uncomfortable with the proximity and scooted away slightly. Noticing this, Armin moved his stool away a little, which seemed to relax the brat. A bit.

‘Um, hi Eren.’ Armin extended a hand to his company, flashing his angelic smile that brightened his luminous blue eyes. ‘It’s been a while since we last properly spoke, so ah, I suppose it’s good to see you again.’ There was a very uncomfortable pause that stretched on painfully, but it finally ended when Eren mumbled something incoherent, taking the offered hand timidly. Despite the awkwardness of the exchange, the small response seemed enough to satisfy Armin, who smiled brightly at the boy and tucked loose strands of his golden hair behind his ear.

Before long, Mikasa entered the kitchen area with a large box in hand, and produced a few products and set them out neatly on the bench. Standing next to her shorter friend, it was almost comical how different they were in appearance. While Armin was all soft curves and woolly jumpers, Mikasa owned a fierce androgynous look, rocking shades of blacks and scarlet in her punkish style. For a girl her age, she was better built with a sure posture and domineering presence, which was a shared trait between us. Seriously, even her abs weren’t far from mine, which looked a little odd on her female body. Fuck that, it looked terrifying on her, and radiated back-the-fuck-off signals to any guy stupid enough to catcall her.

If we were to stand beside each other, the first similarities you’d notice is the porcelain like skin and ebony hair, both characteristics we derived from our mother, Kuchel. Another would be our matching ‘I’m-so-done-with-this-shit’ face, which has been both the object of intimidation and humour for many people.

‘Levi, can you come here and help?’ Mikasa called out, directing her steel-grey eyes at me.

‘Are you serious? Can’t you just do it yourself?’ I groaned from my spot on the couch, meeting her disapproving glare with the same intensity.

‘Are you doing anything now?’

‘I’m watching TV.’

‘No you’re not.’

‘Yes I am.’

‘Stop winging and come here.’ I huffed loudly and peeled myself from the soft cushions, rounding the kitchen bench next to my sister.

‘Well? What do you want me to do?’ I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring up at her. Yes, up. Despite her being a year younger than me, she was a good few inches taller than my miserable height, all thanks to whichever distant ancestor’s genetics I was unfortunate enough to inherit. I would kill him twice if I had the chance.

‘I’m going to treat Armin, so can you patch up Eren? You’ve been in enough fights already to know what to do.’ Mikasa answered as she began disinfecting the graze on Armin’s chin with a wipe. I sighed and stepped up to my ‘patient’, who was still turned away from me on the stool. With a swift kick, I spun the seat so he faced me, which made the brat jerk back in surprise.

‘How am I supposed to clean you up if you don’t face me, brat?’ That probably wasn’t the best way to initiate a conversation, and this was only supported by the way Eren spluttered a barely audible apology before shutting his mouth to stop speaking. I sighed impatiently and begun to work.

I could tell clearly from that proximity that he really would have trouble seeing through the too-long veil of hair covering his face. I thought this stupid and told him so, to which he simply shrugged, though in his anxious and jumpy way. Mikasa kicked my leg for my insensitivity, but I ignored her. ‘How are you supposed to see if you’ve got all this hair blocking your vision?’

Another shrug, before he mumbled quietly, ‘I’m used to it, I guess.’

‘Whatever.’

Securing one hand behind his head so he couldn’t jerk away – he did try when I first made contact though – I used the other one to push the invasive hair out of his face, and felt my throat close up and breathing halt for a brief moment.

There, only a few inches from my face, were the brightest iridescent green eyes staring straight back at me, with immense depth and hidden secrets in every streak on its irises. Among the shades of emerald and forest greens, I could also recognize faint traces of ocean blue and flecks of gold, like jewels scattered over a field of endless nature, framed by thick lashes curved up at the edges. They were larger than I expected, almost doll-like in shape and surreal-ness, and were by far the most expressive feature on his face.

I was so caught up in their brilliance that I didn’t realise my entire body had ceased to move, and the two of us were frozen there like statues, joined by my hands and bonded by his gaze, which finally dropped in embarrassment, promptly breaking the spell. Despite his squirming and feeble attempts to get out of my hold, I felt the need to keep looking at them, to search in them, so I wouldn’t allow for him to escape so easily.

‘Look at me.’ I commanded, to which he flickered his eyes up for a moment before averting them again. I desperately wanted more, but knew I shouldn’t push it. So instead I inspected his face, taking in a dark bruise running across his cheek bones up to his temple, and some scratches on the other side.

Although the bruise and cuts were what I was meant to be treating, it was the things beneath them that worried me the most. Dark shadows loomed around his eyes, his cheeks hollowed in and the sharp contours of his jaw and temples hinted at too little to eat.

It was clear that the kid was underweight, if his baggy clothes weren’t indication enough. However, I knew it wasn’t any of my business and I had no intention of being intrusive, so I just cleaned the scratches with antiseptic and pressed an ice pack over the bruise and told him to keep it there. When I asked if he had any other injuries, he shook his head in denial, but I wasn’t convinced. He finally revealed a deep bruise blooming on his hip after a minute under my scrutiny, which I assessed and placed another icepack on.

Once I deemed my job compete, I packed up and washed my hands thoroughly, nodding at the brat when he thanked me from my help. Mikasa gave me consent to leave, so I slowly retreated upstairs to my own bedroom after collecting my phone from the lounge.

I collapsed heavily onto my bed, surrounded by a monotone of blacks and grey; charcoal sheets, black stationary lined up along a desk, black bedside table holding an alarm. Everything in my room was orderly and neat, all with their own designated place where they belong. Most of my friends would joke about my cleanliness, but what’s wrong with valuing hygiene and order? That’s right, nothing.

I tried taking a nap, drifting in and out of sleep a few times, but my thoughts always came back to those penetrating eyes from earlier, and I tried intently to uncover their mysteries in both realms, dream and reality. Realising that I would probably forget how those eyes looked by the time I woke up in the morning, I got up and filled a few pages in my sketchbook with drawings of them, but grew frustrated at not being able to capture their pure essence and soon gave up.

There was just something off about Eren’s eyes, which I found impossible to grasp; something more than the beauty and secrets it held; something darker and stronger, as is always present with anything I found remotely desirable.

Only when I finally awoke after I drifted off for the third time did I realise what it was, and grew an intrigue with the one Eren Jaeger.

What I saw in those eyes was immense, unbearable sorrow, drowning in loneliness and crushed by bitterness, but also a kind of alluring spark, like smouldering embers, ready to catch and burn burn burn like the infernos of hades.

I realised then with a sense of twisted satisfaction that there was a lot more to Eren Jaeger, and I felt the need to know all there was to him.


	2. Inquiry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi wants some answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW  
> The response I have received so far has been AMAZING! I hadn't intended on updating so soon, but I couldn't help it. Thank you so so much to everyone who took the time to leave a comment, and people who have shown interest in my work. It has been extremely encouraging, and I hope to be able to continue writing as soon as possible.
> 
> So this chapter reveals where Eren and Armin got their injuries from, as well as showing more about the Ackerman family. I wasn't overly pleased with my representation of Kenny and Kuchel, as I think their characters are too shallow, so hopefully I'll be able to improve them in the coming chapters. Also, in this fic Kenny is a good dad, so don't expect there to be any abuse from him.
> 
> Enjoy!

I finally crept downstairs when I heard the thud of the front door closing, followed by a droning silence engulfing our house.

Having unsurprisingly failed to fall into a definite sleep – insomnia can be a bitch – I had settled on resting in the comfort of my bed, listening to the dull murmurs that reached up to my room. Although I could vaguely distinguish whose voice I was hearing, I didn’t have the same luck at catching their exact works. However, I could tell that their conversation seemed to be flowing easily, though I didn’t hear much being said from the all-important guest; Eren Jaeger. I was tempted to settle in the lounge instead, just so I could hear what they were talking about, but deemed doing so far too obvious – especially to such a perceptive group of brats.

When I entered the kitchen, I saw Mikasa packing the first aid kit away, three used glasses placed along the bench, and an empty plate with what seemed to be cookie crumbs of some sort in the centre. Mikasa had taken off her leather jacket as the heaters had done its job well, and strode around in a maroon shirt and a tangle of necklaces hanging loosely around her throat.

‘Mum and Kenny won’t be home for dinner, so we can find something to eat ourselves.’ Mikasa informed me absently while going about her business, to which I grunted in response.

I wasn’t at all surprised by the news, as it wasn’t unusual for our parents to not come home for the night. Mum used to apologize excessively every time they missed dinner, but after a few years of regular absences, Mikasa and I grew used to it, and no longer felt remorse for lacking such ‘quality family time.’ Of the two, Kenny was least likely to be home early, as his job required him to go on prolonged business trips during the most inconvenient of times; but we make sure to not complain too much, because it also had plenty of benefits, and was something Kenny had both talent and passion for. Not to mention the hefty income.

Not feeling particularly hungry despite the late hour, I dismissed making something to eat and instead went about brewing a pot of black tea. The rest of my family used tea-bags for their drinks, but I always preferred going through the ritual of brewing it in a teapot with premium tea leaves I purchased from a specialist store closer to town, checking the temperature of the water and length of time I let it steep before straining it into my cup, complete with the entire tea set. Many people asked me why I went through all the effort of making it, then cleaning everything just for a hot beverage, but tea had always been important to me, and I was willing to put in however much time and effort that was necessary to reach perfection. I cherished the feeling of perfumed steam kissing my skin as I brought the cup to my lips; the satisfying burn of the first sip coating my tongue and inner cheeks; and most of all the blissful calm that poured through every inch of my body like a summer stream quenching the stretch of parched dirt in a riverbank.

Yea, maybe they were right when they accused me of being addicted.

If mum knew I was having tea instead of a proper meal again, she would definitely lose her shit, scolding me for not properly looking after myself or something like that. Which was stupid, because even a blind bat could tell I looked after myself adequately. How else would I be capable of taking on five grown men in a fight and come out victorious?

Mum always fussed over Mikasa and I about nutrition and being properly fed, which I couldn’t exactly blame her for. Kuchel had suffered through poverty for most her life, even having to resort to prostitution at times to make ends meet. Both her parents were barely making it alive either, especially her own mother – my grandmother – for she received some pretty severe forms of racism based on her Asian origin. Unfortunately, that xenophobia seemed to pass down onto Kuchel, who had the misfortune of living in a medieval-viewed community with slightly narrowed eyes and ebony hair. Apparently that was enough to warrant every form of derogatory slur imaginable to a group of shit-for-brain fucktards.

Our parents grew up in the same shady neighbourhood as kids and were on pretty good terms, so Kenny kept seeing mum occasionally through her tough days, which I think helped her a lot. I’m not fully sure of the details, but I think they were in some kind of on-and-off relationship for years, with Kuchel declining her ‘clients’ whenever Kenny was in town.

Despite Kenny coming off as a complete asshole most of the time, apparently he had his moments.

When mum was seventeen, she got pregnant with me. She couldn’t afford a safe abortion at the time, so had no choice but to go through with it. They never bothered getting a DNA test or anything, but they’re pretty certain Kenny was the father. Thank fuck. It would be pretty damn sickening if I was related to some sexually deprived low-end businessman that was willing to buy a quick fuck from a vulnerable teen instead of doing it with his own wife.

Thus, on the twenty-fifth of December, her first child was born.

But her financial state hadn’t improved in the least, so she had no means of supporting both herself and an infant, and we grew increasingly emaciated and malnourished. She also didn’t have many people to turn to at the time, as her dad had kicked the bucket after one too many binge drinking sessions, and her own mother wasn’t exactly better off. Mum suspects this period of my life was the cause of my short stature; which seemed plausible, as I didn’t know anyone else in the family that was bestowed with my miserable height of 5’3”.

For the first couple of months since my birth, Kuchel had been unwilling to reveal her motherhood to Kenny, fearing how he would react. However, once he had finally found time to visit her and had discovered a brat crawling around mum’s dreary apartment, Kenny determined that he was going to take us in.

Kenny probably didn’t love Kuchel in the conventional way – no flying sparks or fated stars tying them together – but there must have been some form of attraction, otherwise he wouldn’t have said that it didn’t make much of a difference whether there was a family living with him or not, and to not worry about expenses or repayment. Apparently his proposal to marry was more of a business contract, complete with arguments over responsibilities and rights. Not exactly the Paris experience or candle-light dinner, but it suited them just fine.

They officially got married when I was just shy of one, and that was the beginning of the Ackerman family.

Nine months later, Mikasa came around too. She was an unplanned pregnancy, but they didn’t mind. Actually, since the threat of starvation was erased, Kuchel became livelier and started looking forward to the prospects of her life, including having a daughter. And there definitely was a special bond between the two, and I could see Kuchel’s look of endearment as they shared the experiences she was deprived of with her own mother.

I wouldn’t say our family was without its problems, but it was the best I could hope for.

While I settled down at the kitchen bench nursing my cup of strong tea with the pot and saucer set out along the marble surface, I let my eyes follow Mikasa as she made a simple sandwich filled with pretty much anything green. Unlike me, she took what our mother said about the importance of food seriously and ate every meal according to a balanced diet, worthy of any health-nut’s approval. Not that anyone would dare openly disapprove to anything she does, though.

There were plenty of questions I had for her, and I was determined to have them answered.

‘Why was Eren Jaeger in our house today?’

Mikasa ignored my query at first, choosing instead to concentrate on constructing her meal. I wasn’t exactly known for my patience, so I expressed my annoyance at her refusal to respond by loudly tapping my foot against the bench leg and clicking my tongue exaggeratedly. Although her face remained as stoic as ever, I knew I was steadily grating on her nerves. Keep at it long enough and she’d never dare to ignore me for long.

After a minute or so, Mikasa sighed in resignation and turned to face me as she pushed her plate aside. I could picture the cogs turning in her head as she pondered how best to answer, which I could appreciate; there were very few things that annoyed me more than people spouting off answers without even considering what they were about to say. It generally resulted in very stupid responses and them being embarrassed by their own idiocy, anyway.

Finally, Mikasa spoke.

‘Apparently Armin had noticed that Eren was always alone at school and probably felt sorry for him, so tried to be friendly whenever he could. Frankly, I thought it was a waste of time, but didn’t stop him. Armin would say hello and greet him whenever they met, even trying to start conversations when the opportunity presented itself. This had been going on for the last few years, but Eren never responded with more than was strictly necessary. I think Armin was a bit discouraged, but he didn’t stop. It always irked me, how Eren was so indifferent to disappointing him like that. But Armin himself told me to not say anything, and reassured me that he was fine with it. So, I did what he asked – nothing.’

I saw something akin to remorse clouding her features, which was a rare sight on my sister, as her face was pretty much set in its stony state most of the time. Perhaps she was regretting not caring as much as she should have, but we both knew that was the same for virtually every student at Maria High. If people were obligated to care for the weak, everyone I knew beside the blonde saint Armin was guilty of corruption. If we were really decent human beings, we should have paid more attention; been more concerned; actively tried to help. But we didn’t, and that was the reality we had to face eventually.

‘Anyway, after school today Armin and I were supposed to meet up as usual. When he didn’t come, I assumed he got himself in trouble again. I went looking, and sure enough I found him surrounded by a couple assholes behind the school that were apparently new and didn’t know not to mess with him yet. But what surprised me was that they weren’t alone, and he wasn’t the one getting hurt. Armin was on the ground, and the pricks kept trying to get to him, but Eren was standing there between them, protecting him.’

I knew my expression betrayed the surprise I felt, never having pictured Eren being the kind to get between a fight. It was difficult even picturing the kid from earlier that day, so thin and frail with his submissive personality, willingly getting involved in someone else’s business, especially when it guaranteed the attention of a strong threat.

It only served to strengthen my interest in him.

Mikasa seemed to have recognized what I was thinking, for there was a knowing gleam in her sharp eyes.

‘You can tell just by looking at him that Eren isn’t very strong, but he still kept pushing back and managed to hold them off somehow. Eren clawed at one of their faces, but the others just threw him to the ground; hard. I managed to reach them before they could do anything worse, and settled the situation quick enough. The guys ran off, and that was it regarding them. I helped Armin up, but he said he was fine and tried to help Eren. I realised that he was trying to get away as well, but I stopped him to make sure he was fine. Physically he looked alright, but there was just something off about him, but I couldn’t place what it was.’

I knew the scene of her finding the two boys were playing out in her head, like a broken video resetting back at the start just before the finale could be revealed. I could sympathise with how frustrating it must have been for her, as I had the same experience less than an hour ago when I was pondering Eren’s eyes.

Try as I may, I couldn’t work them out.

I was slowly coming to realize just how well Eren managed to keep himself hidden; in reserving what he allowed others to see of him, both in weakness and in strength. But I was also realising the endless potential of what could be so precious that he refused anyone to so much as catch a glimpse of it. What was he hiding from us, but more importantly, _why?_

‘So after debating it a bit, I decided to bring Eren home with us. He saved Armin, so it was the least I could do. Naturally he refused, so we pretty much had to drag him all the way here. And you know the rest.’ With that, she turned back around and attended to her forgotten meal.

I contemplated Mikasa’s answer for a while, thinking back to the damage I treated to his face and hip. ‘I never would have pegged the kid to have a hero complex.’

‘I know. I was surprised too when I saw what he was doing. I suppose it was his way of thanking Armin for always being kind to him.’ The fact that her tone seemed to soften when she said it hinted at her approval and perhaps even newfound respect for the brat.

I hummed at her proposal, internally agreeing with her. Jaeger may be awkward and incapable of following social norms, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate random acts of kindness.

‘So now what? You and Armin are gonna pester him to become friends with you lot?’

‘No, we won’t pressure him into anything. Although I do expect Armin will try harder to befriend Eren.’ Mikasa shrugged and began eating her sandwich, signalling the end of our conversation.

After finishing my tea, I cleaned my dirtied tea set and packed it away safely, then went back to my room to ponder the peculiar events of the day. I was still thinking about the enigma that was Eren Jaeger, processing the new information I had learned. I knew very little about him, and with every new fact, my curiosity seemed to grow.

* * *

 

‘Jaeger?’

I looked up at Kenny from my seat at the dinner table, surprised that he was actually contributing to the conversation. He had set down the newspaper he had been skimming next to his plate, and was glancing at me inquisitively while running his nimble fingers through the thick hair that was loosely combed back from his furrowed forehead. The heavy bags under his eyes were evident in the young sunlight that streamed in through the open curtains, which did nothing to help conceal the gaunt look of sleep deprivation.

Our parents had returned home extremely early in the morning, so after Mikasa and I had come back from our morning run and found that neither Kenny nor mum were up yet, Mikasa took the liberty of making us all pancakes for breakfast. We all gathered at the dining table at nine o’clock – some more alert than others – and dug into the pile of steaming food presented to us. Mum had asked us if anything interesting happened yesterday, and Mikasa informed them that Eren Jaeger had dropped by after school. Mum was about to ask us something when Kenny had interrupted, raising his droopy yet penetrating eyes from his plate to look between Mikasa and myself.

‘Yeah, Jaeger. I’m pretty sure it’s German.’ I answered, curious as to what he had to say. ‘You know him?’

‘Not the kid, but I know of his family. Hell, I think everyone in my neighbourhood knew about them. Not personally, though.’ Kenny replied while stuffing another fork full of breakfast into his mouth. Unfortunately, the wealth he gained in adulthood wasn’t enough to teach him proper table manners, so he still behaved like a grubby kid living in the slums during meals. Thank fuck that wasn’t a trait us kids picked up from him.

‘So they were famous?’ Mikasa asked, having stopped eating to listen closely.

‘Well, sort of.’ This time Kuchel answered, swirling her coffee around in its mug. ‘The wife, Carla, was from a pretty conservative family. The parents were devout Catholics, so she never messed around. Abided by strict curfew, always dressed modestly, never spoke any vulgarities, and always avoided people such as myself like we were the plague. Not that she meant to be rude or anything, though. It was just what she was told to do by the adults around her. She must have been the ideal child to most parents, I think. Carla was known for being one of the most beautiful people in the neighbourhood as well. Even though I never spoke to her, my friends and I would always admire how she looked. There was something so pure in the way she presented herself, both aesthetically and characteristically. There was this one time when I’d snuck out to the better side of the community and saw her playing in a park with some girls, wearing a simple white dress and her rich hair tied in twin braids. She looked like an angel, and I couldn’t stop staring. She had this amazing laugh, that was so mellow and sweet, I didn’t know humans were even capable of producing music like that.’

Mum smiled fondly to herself, seemingly reminiscing the day she was talking about. I was curious as to how this Carla looked now, and if she could still laugh the same way that made someone as aloof as my mother swoon in a single moment.

I wondered if Eren could laugh like that too.

‘And then one day this German college student moved into our neighbourhood. I saw him in the streets a few times, and he was extremely handsome, though had a unique look. Despite still being young, he always wore out-dated suits and coats, like he thought himself a wealthy Lord in the wrong era. But he was never loud or boisterous, keeping mostly to himself and preferring to read instead of courting the young girls that used to flock to him. Though he seemed to always make an exception for Carla, who I sometimes saw holding hands with him or standing closer than necessary. What was his name again? I think it started with a “G”… George? Graham? Gri-’

‘Grisha! His name was Grisha Jaeger.’ Kenny exclaimed, clapping his hands loudly. ‘Yeah, I remember him. Tall, long hair, glasses. He was pretty good lookin’. It’s no wonder Carla fell for him.’

‘Yes, well, Carla was head over heels for the man, despite him being in his mid-twenties when she was only sixteen. Out of the blue, one day she suddenly decided to elope with him, and they just vanished. Carla dropped out of school, stopped attending her church and apparently her room became an empty space over night. It was no secret that Carla’s family was furious, and they disowned her immediately. I heard rumours that she moved to Germany with Grisha to start a family, but no one could confirm it.’ Kuchel now had a distant look, with no definite expression to determine what she was thinking.

‘So she came back.’

‘Well, what’d he look like?’ Kenny asked, scratching his scruffy beard absently. It was rare for him to express any interest in people outside the family or work, so I was curious as to what it was that caught his attention.

I thought about the question closely, trying to remember his features. ‘He’s a scrawny kid. About as tall as Mikasa, brown hair, tan skin. Based on what he wears I’d say he isn’t the wealthiest guy around. But he’s definitely smart, or at least a damn hard worker.’ Then those emerald eyes came to mind, and in a low voice I added, ‘He has bright eyes.’

Mikasa cocked an eyebrow at me curiously, but didn’t comment on my change in tone. Kenny hummed in thought, and then went on eating his breakfast without further comment. Mum continued the light conversation, but didn’t bring up the Jaeger kid again. All was back to normal, except for my persistent thoughts surrounding one brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to have a lot more characters introduced. I can't wait!


	3. Under my protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has some unfinished business at school, and wants to know more about a certain brunette

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way longer than I expected to edit and I'm still not happy with it. Oh well. Also, I do not live in America so my understanding of the school systems there are very basic and are most likely going to be inaccurate, so I'm sorry if it annoys you, but I hope you can ignore it for this fic.

Normally when I arrived at school, I would go to my usual place on the outskirts of the property to meet up with my friends until the bell rang. But on the Monday following my encounter with Eren Jaeger, I had different plans.

I made Mikasa stick with me for a while, wandering the school yard until she pointed out a small group of buff seniors crowded along a brick wall. Despite being a decent distance away, I could distinctly see that two of them had purple bruises on whatever skin that wasn’t buried under layers of thick winter clothing. This gave me a smug sense of satisfaction, knowing that Mikasa did a good job teaching those pricks a lesson. But that wasn’t enough, because I knew she didn’t inform them of certain unwritten rules in this school regarding the Ackerman siblings; primarily what happens when you either mess with us or those closest to us. I knew Mikasa was perfectly capable of doing this herself, but I wanted the pleasure of a little physical activity to give me a boost at the beginning of another school week. She had no complaints.

After being shown my targets, I shooed Mikasa away and slowly walked towards the group of gym junkies. Some of them I vaguely recognized from my classes, but others I knew must not have been at Maria High long, because they were about as familiar as a foreign tourist passing by in the street.

When they finally noticed me approaching, I noted there were mixed responses. The ones that knew who I was showed alarm and fear at my presence, whereas the ignorant ones had a look of arrogant curiosity, like I was some rubbish not worth inspecting coming too close for comfort.

When I was a few feet away from them, I stopped and crossed my arms, gliding my eyes along their forms to assess my opponents. Both of them were tall with broad shoulders and well-built torsos, but it seemed they only worked out for aesthetic reasons, and forewent practicality to get their ideal figure. From what I could tell, they lacked strength where it mattered, and had put on too much unnecessary muscle mass that would only serve to slow them down. They may have brute strength, but unless we were going to sort this out with an arm wrestle or some other shit, it was going to be useless.

This act of assessment either intimidated them, or gave the impression that I was checking them out, because a pair of them pushed themselves off the wall and stomped towards me, purposely towering over my meagre height. To my bitter delight, it was the two with bruises marring their chiselled faces. One of them especially caught my attention, for he had partially healed scratch marks going down his cheek and chin. If my assumption was correct, that was done by Eren.

‘The fuck are you looking at, shrimp?’ One of them demanded, getting close enough that I got a waft of BO from his approach. Christ, did they seriously not know of a magical invention called a deodorant? They smelt rancid, and I couldn’t keep from cringing in disgust. I was only thankful that I didn’t gag.

A few of the better informed guys tried to pull the two back hastily, but was unable to do anything but watch. Scratch-face came up behind me, saying things like ‘the fuck you want?’ or ‘bitch, you wanna get hurt?’ It was almost laughable, how these pampered mummy’s boys tried acting like street thugs in the back of the school. But I hid the amusement behind my dark scowl, glaring up at those fucktards for what they did to Armin and Eren.

‘Last Friday after school, what did you do?’ The two buffs looked confused at the question, but shrugged their shoulders with a knowing sneer.

‘Does it matter?’

‘Answer the fucking question.’

The guys surrounding me looked at each other, and with a cruel curve to their lips, said smugly, ‘We had a friendly chat with that blonde nerd and freak.’

That was all the confirmation I needed.

With a swift swing of my limbs, I buried my elbow into the guy’s stomach behind me, and knocked the other one’s leg out from beneath him. I continued through the motion, bringing another kick to the guy’s head as he fell to the ground, and sent a sharp strike to the first one’s throat. In no longer than ten seconds, I had the two kneeling at my feet, one writhing while clutching his head, and the other one wheezing and pawing at his crushed throat. I loomed over the prone figures, and sent a menacing glare towards the cowering idiots who were trying to edge away. I needed them to stay and watch, as it seemed they were in dire need of a refresher as to what I was capable of.

Eventually I crouched down and clasped two fistful of hair and growled out with as much venom as I could muster, ‘If either of you touch anyone close to me again, I will sever the tendons of your limbs, tear out your tongues and make you swallow your own eyeballs with a shot of bleach.’

Hearing a weak whimper from my victims, I stood up after a final twist of hair and huffed in annoyance, producing a wipe from the pocket of my leather jacket and cleaned my hands from where they had touched greasy hair.

Disgusting.

I was about to leave when I stopped, turned around and scowled darkly at each and every one of them, and in a commanding tone – one I knew they would never dare defy – added another warning which would soon become a common addition to my defensive threats;

‘The same applies if any of you so much as come anywhere near Eren Jaeger. Trust me, I’ll know.’ Intensifying my piercing stare, I dropped my voice to be as menacing as Lucifer himself. ‘He’s under my protection now.’ I spun and walked a few steps back the way I came, sending one last warning glare over my shoulder.

‘Spread the message.’

* * *

 

The school cafeteria was one of my least favourite places in the world. It was loud, crowded, dirty, and reeked of shit food. Seriously, most of what they served there was bathing in grease. And as I didn’t trust the staff to maintain my level of hygiene, I always brought my own food. At least I knew what the fuck I was eating.

I sat at my usual table surrounded by my group of friends – or at least the few people I put up with – who chatted amongst themselves animatedly, poking fun at each other and sharing inside jokes. So far there was Erd, Gunther, Auruo and Petra, who had been dubbed the ‘Levi Squad’ after always being seen together, and their strong loyalty to me as their ‘captain’. We were all distinctly different in both personality and appearance, and at first glance you would never have pegged us to be in the same group. Gunther and Erd were close, but they were polar opposites; while Erd looked like some laid-back surfer from California with his vividly bright blonde hair pulled up into a rough man-bun with sun-kissed skin, loose clothes and coy smirk, Gunther was all hard edges and a grim face, ebony hair in a neat all-back that somehow managed to become pointed at the back, and dark skin wrapped in clothes that make him look like a millionaire player. The other two, Auruo and Petra, acted exactly like an old married couple. They were always bickering and complaining about each other, which could both be comical and annoying at times. Even though Petra was petite and looked fresh as a daisy, she had no trouble handling a fight on her own. She had shoulder length ginger hair that framed her delicate face, and a soft spot for floral vintage clothes. Auruo, on the other hand, looked to be in his forties, and had no sense of fashion what so ever. Everything he wore from top to bottom was uncoordinated with clashing colours, patterns and textures, which Petra would always cringe at and chastise him for. On more than one occasion she literally turned him back and forced him to go back home and change. His look of indignation was always priceless. But despite all their differences, one thing they all had in common was their respect for me as their leader. I didn’t understand how this hierarchy formed in the first place, but I could only assume it was due to me being the strongest on virtually all fronts. We were all just misfits that somehow gravitated into a group during the first few months of high school, and had been close-knit ever since.

After a while my two closest friends arrived at the table; Hanji and Erwin. I’ve known them since we were just brats running around playgrounds, so it was fair to say we were pretty damn close. Erwin had always been the most collected and mature of my friends, acting eerily cunning for his age and concealing his deceptions with a charming smile that could fool the most suspicious of men. But he could definitely be fucking terrifying when he wanted to be, and was willing to exploit the trust he gained in others for his own merit. The end justifies the means for him, or whatever it was Machiavelli said, I suppose.

Hanji, on the other hand, was at the opposite end of the sanity spectrum. She was loud, obnoxious, and would probably grow up to be some crazy scientist that’s sent to a psychiatric ward for experimenting illegally on her patients. Well, maybe not that. But she was definitely crazy.

And I now had the misfortune of being graced with her presence.

‘Levi! Ravioli! Guess what!’ Hanji gushed as soon as she slid across the bench right up against me, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose so they wouldn’t fall off. Her slightly reddish brunette hair was tied up into a scruffy ponytail, though most of it had already fallen out and hung around her face. She wore stereotypical geeky clothes, decked in a bowtie, trouser, blouse and suspenders, but somehow she managed to pull it off without blaring ‘bullying target material,’ which I had to give her credit for.

When I only shoved her away from me in response to her pestering, she scooted up closer and clung to my arm with as much force as a thirsty leech. ‘Come on Mr grumpy gnome! Guess!’

‘I don’t give a fuck, Hanji.’

‘Gueees!’ She whined, rocking back and forth. ‘Fine! I’ll just tell you.’ I sighed in relief when she let go, but groaned when she pretty much climbed on top of me in excitement. ‘Sonny gave birth to a tonne of babies!’

Hanji owned two guinea pigs named Sonnie and Bean. We were all alarmed when she first bought them, thinking she may use them for unethical experiments, but it turned out that she was surprisingly good with animals, and adored them with a maternal protectiveness that seemed out of place for her. So it wasn’t a surprise that she acted like she just got grandkids instead of some baby guineapigs.

‘And why would I care whether you got more animals to torment or not?’ I drawled, tired and apathetic to her excitement. However, Hanji wasn’t deterred, and she continued to blabber on about how cute they were, and how she was going to name them all after historical or mythological characters. She spoke with so much physical motions to exaggerate every point she made that her glasses kept falling down, one time dropping onto her lap after a particularly large wave of her hands.

‘I don’t think she’s going to stop talking about them until there is something else of interest.’ Erwin commented, slowly eating his pasta dish as he watched his friend laugh manically while retelling a story of how Bean managed to escape from his cage one time. Even though we were sitting on the same height chairs, Erwin still managed to tower over me, though at least he had the dignity to not make it obvious that he had to look down to talk to me. ‘I tried to distract her with an article I found in the psychological magazine on some new treatment for depression, but it didn’t last very long.’

‘If you’re gonna try, why would you pick such a bland topic in the first place?’

‘I didn’t find it bland. I thought it was rather intriguing.’

‘That’s because you’re not normal.’ Erwin chucked at me, raising his thick eyebrows in mirth. He was probably about to make some smart comment about me not having any room to talk about others being abnormal when I felt a new presence appear right behind me, and when I looked over I saw a tussled Armin clutching a few thick books to his chest, worrying his lip as he waited to get my attention without being rude.

‘Um, Levi, have you happened to see Eren anywhere today?’ The mention of the kid’s name caught the attention of most my friends, though Auruo still seemed focused on wolfing down his meal like a starved pig. Although everyone knew of Eren Jaeger, he was very rarely brought up in conversation, unless it was to talk badly of him. Eren was just an accessory, and not someone worth discussing for most people. So for him to be actively brought up, and especially looked for was a rare phenomenon. Armin fidgeted nervously under the attention, but stood his ground firmly and waited for an answer.

‘No, I haven’t seen him.’ Armin looked disappointed at my answer, so I turned to face the rest of my group. ‘Have any of you?’

Most of them shook their heads, but Petra nodded slowly, much to Armin’s excitement. ‘Yeah, he was in my math class this morning.’

‘Really? Oh, that’s great. Did he look okay?’ Armin asked as he leant forwards a little to hear better over the cafeterias noise.

‘Well, I didn’t really pay much attention to him, but he didn’t look any different from usual.’ Petra’s hazel eyes looked up at her junior curiously. ‘Why? Has he done something?’

‘No, not really. I just wanted to talk to him.’

This surprised most of my friends, whose eyes widened at the blonde. ‘You want to talk to the wallflower?’ Erd scratched his temple in puzzlement, tilting his narrow face to the side. ‘Why?’

Armin cringed at Erd calling Eren a wallflower, but simply shrugged his shoulders. ‘No reason. I just want to see how he’s doing.’ With that, he thanked Petra and me, apologised for interrupting, and then went off in search of the boy.

‘Why would he want to talk to Jaeger?’ Erd repeated more so to himself. I found that his surprise annoyed me more than it should, so I sent a glare his way, making the blonde even more confused.

‘Who cares if he wants to talk to Jaeger? It’s none of your damn business who Armin wants to associate with.’ I snapped, taking a large bite from my wrap. The squad looked shocked at my defensiveness, but I chose to ignore them and continued devouring my lunch.

‘Wow, Levi’s being considerate.’ Hanji whistled lowly, smirking when I gave her an annoyed look. ‘Don’t look at me like that! I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Actually, it’s great! It’s so rare to see you actually care about someone. It’s refreshing!’

Again I sighed, and everyone at my table went on eating and talking for a few more minutes. Once I finished my meal and scrunched up my wrapper, I turned to Erwin and asked quietly so other people wouldn’t hear, ‘What do you know about Eren Jaeger?’

Erwin fixed an inquisitive look at me, and then hummed while he pondered the question. ‘I admit I don’t know very much about him. I’m sure you have noticed that he doesn’t have many friends, if any at all, so his private life is not at all public. However I do know that he’s very intelligent, and puts a lot of effort into studying.’

‘How did you gather that?’

‘I see him a lot at the school library when I go there, and usually he’s either reading a classic novel or studying. I also see him staying back after class to ask teachers questions or get their help with some school work. I think he never asks questions during class, and always reserves them for later. Also, whenever a group project is assigned in the classes we share, I almost always see him doing all the work while the other group members slack off, but still they all get good marks. I can only assume that is because he puts in the effort necessary to make up for their lack of contribution.’

I hummed quietly at Erwin’s observations, remembering similar incidents I had witnessed with the kid. ‘Whenever he was asked a question during class, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him either not know or get the answer wrong.’

‘Exactly.’ Erwin pushed his finished meal away from him, running a hand thoughtfully through his combed blond hair. ‘Also, I’m pretty sure he’s religious; more specifically Christian.’ Before I could ask why he though this, Erwin commented while pointing at his neck, ‘He has on a crucifix on him at all times.’

I remembered what Kuchel had said about his mother, Carla, coming from a Catholic family, and concluded that that was probably the case. ‘So, other than a socially awkward Christian genius, we don’t know much about him.’

‘I’m afraid not.’

My shoulder was suddenly pulled back and I came face to face with Hanji’s curious stare behind her rectangular glasses. ‘What are you two gossiping about?’

‘Your murder plans if you don’t fucking let go, shitty glasses.’ Hanji laughed at my threat and complied, but seemed intent on getting involved in our conversation. Erwin and I both knew it was futile to try and keep her out of it, so we both gave in and told her what we were discussing.

‘Oh, Eren. He’s a smart kid. I’ve had him for a lab partner a few times in biology, and he can easily keep up with me.’

‘Bullshit. No one can do that.’ Hanji just giggled at my disbelief, waving her index finger while making loud tutting noises.

‘Oh Levi, you shouldn’t underestimate him. If you manage to get him to relax, you can have a really intelligent and interesting conversation with him. I was talking about terrorism one time, and he brought up Noam Chomsky and we discussed the western colonialism after World War II. Although I admit it did take about two years of gentle coaxing until he could talk to me like that.’

I wasn’t sure whether to believe her or claim she was making shit up, but Erwin looked convinced and had a look of intrigue on his face. ‘Impressive. Maybe I should try talking to him as well.’

‘You could try, but like I said, it takes a lot of time for him to trust you enough to open up. But once he does, boy, he’s like a walking encyclopaedia! He even knows a lot about gender and sexuality!’ I could clearly see how Hanji’s face brightened at mentioning the topic, her actions becoming more erratic and face flushed with excitement. Not that I could really blame her, as she didn’t have many people who knew as much about gender identity as her, and was just as passionate about it, seeing as she was not only non-binary but fiercely dedicated to anything and everything related to LGBTQ rights and equality.

‘A few months ago when we were working on a project together, he actually asked me for my pronouns! I mean, how often do people do that? I was so touched and happy that I kind of crushed him in my death embrace. But I think that was the wrong thing to do, cus’ he kind of clammed up and started hyperventilating. Once I calmed him down again, I explained that although I’m non-binary, I use female pronouns for convenience. He accepted it easily and we talked for the rest of the class about gender roles in society and how the gender binary has changed throughout American history.’

Erwin looked exceedingly impressed at what Hanji had said, and there was a particular glint in his eye, which I guessed meant he was thinking intensively about something. It was the kind of look he got when he was scheming, or formulating some kind of master plan; one that I would never be able to follow. Erwin was sharp, and his pragmatic personality sometimes came across as cold-hearted, but that was just the way he was, and we were fine with that.

‘I hope you’re not planning on manipulating the brat into taking down the U.N. or something like that, Erwin. He’s probably already got enough shit to deal with without being framed for terrorism.’ My friend chuckled at my comment, but the look didn’t go away.

‘No, nothing of the sort. I’m just interested, Levi. That’s all.’

Before I could question him any further, the shrill bell rang loudly through the hall and everyone scampered up from their seat and rushed to their next class. My squad and friends stood up as well, though in a much more civil manner, and I was left sitting at the sable, watching as my surroundings were distorted by the ever-changing stream of blurred bodies. Blur, blur, blur. Hardly any measures of stability; of security, and I experienced a foreign sense of isolation – one that made the fine hairs on my neck stand on end – and all I could do was watch Erwin’s broad back as it was swallowed up by the swarming students eager to get out of the hallways, and wonder fruitlessly what he had in mind.


	4. The Boy I Once Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ARMIN POV. Armin remembers when they first met, but maybe the class they share won't go as well as he'd hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've decided that this fic is going to have alternating POVs, and this time it's from the blonde baby. Also, there are a LOT of literature references in this chapter, so if you understand them, great. If not, no problem.  
> I hope I do this character justice, and it'll be okay.

After Petra confirmed that Eren was indeed at school, I searched everywhere I thought I might find him during lunch, but to no avail. I knew he wouldn’t be anywhere crowded or some place that he was vulnerable to being ambushed by his harassers – which didn’t leave many options – but still, I had no luck.

During the search, I caught sight of the seniors who attacked me last Friday, and I was sure they saw me as well but they steered away and didn’t come anywhere near me, so I assumed either Mikasa or Levi had ‘talked’ to them. Although what they did shouldn’t be advocated, I couldn’t help being thankful for their care and protection. I couldn’t imagine what life would have been like without the Ackerman siblings there to help me.

I wished the same could have been for Eren.

I had first noticed Eren the year I entered Maria High, timid and anxious of the unfamiliar surroundings. It was common for me to seek refuge in the school library, delving into the worlds illustrated by Dostoevsky and Wilde, marvelling at the intricate weaves of literary genius I found behind old book covers, long forgotten by the student body as novels of the past meant to remain there. It was on one of these excursions that I spotted the brunette, curled up on a seat with a thick book clutched in his frail fingers, worrying his lip as his fabulous eyes skipped across the pages. I didn’t think much of him at first, and surveyed the isles for a suitable book to read.

When hours passed and most of the loitering students had left, out of curiosity I looked around and found the boy where I last saw him, barely moved and just as intent on his book. I remembered seeing him in the school corridors, being pushed into a row of lockers by a group of jocks or his text books scattering across the floors after a shove on his shoulder. I had wanted to ask if he was okay, but before I got the chance he would already have scuttled away into a classroom.

But on that day, I decided it was an appropriate time to engage in conversation.

As I slowly approached the boy, I recognized the novel he was reading as _The Count of Monte Cristo_ by Alexandre Dumas. Elated at finding someone my age who read the same things as me, I quickened my pace until I was standing right beside him. I noticed the boy hadn’t realised I was there, so as gently as I could, whispered quietly, ‘It’s a very clever novel, isn’t it?’

Unfortunately I didn’t succeed in not alarming him, for the boy jerked backwards and breathed in sharply, pinning me with startled green eyes. As he fumbled to get away from me, I stepped back and raised my arms to seem as unthreatening as possible – not that I looked in any way threatening, with twig-like limbs and a face that had barely changed since pre-school. ‘I’m sorry if I frightened you, I just noticed that you were reading Dumas, and I thought maybe I could talk to you about it…?’ It was clear by my hopeful tone that I was asking him for permission, but instead of answering coherently, Eren remained silent with his expressive face pinched in concern, and maybe some suspicion. Realising that I wasn’t going to get an answer, yet also unwilling to let this opportunity get away, I slowly slid into the seat opposite him. I didn’t receive any protest, so assumed it was okay.

‘I’m Armin Arlert. I think we’re in the same year level.’ I waited patiently as the boy carefully took in my individual features, either assessing me or committing me to memory. Probably both.

After a pause, he tilted his head to the side and said quietly, ‘…Eren Jaeger.’

I smiled at finally getting a reply, my eagerness for knowing more about him showing through my tone. ‘“Jaeger”... is that German?’

‘Yeah, it means “hunter”.’ Eren said after a pause.

I wasn’t the most confident with social interaction – especially with someone I barely knew – so I had trouble preventing the conversation from becoming awkward, but I did my best. ‘Okay, that’s cool… Umm, so, where are you up to in Monte Cristo?’

And then we began an in-depth – if broken and timid – discussion on the many unique characters portrayed and how they and their prejudices or world perceptions developed through the novel’s events, and the symbolism explored in the plot. It didn’t take long for me to realize how articulate Eren’s use of language was, as well as his extensive understanding of literature. It was both intriguing and endearing to see the way Eren’s face would lighten up, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards when he spoke of Abbe Faria, and how knowledge and education – not necessarily through the schooling system – could so immensely change a person’s life for the better.

‘And it’s not just factual knowledge Faria teaches, but qualities like patience and logical processes, which is so vital for Dantès’ progress in his future plans. It shows how guidance through the dark can lead to such brilliance on the other side.’ By then Eren’s posture had relaxed, and his expression became less guarded and open. Without the fretting furrow of his full brows and nervous twitches of his eyes, I thought he looked rather handsome, though he would have looked much better with a few extra pounds.

I wanted to continue the conversation, but the librarian shooed us out since it was had become very late and they needed to close for the night. Unfortunately, this disruption seemed to lure Eren back into his defensive state, and he only murmured single worded responses when I tried asking him anything. I offered to walk him home, or even for him to come over and have dinner with my Grandfather and me, but he hastily declined, saying his mother expected him home before it got dark. I was a little disappointed, but didn’t push him. I bade him goodbye, and I never got another opportunity to see him so open and free of worries again. Every time I saw him after that day, he seemed to only get increasingly anxious and fretful.

So that Friday afternoon when I thought I was going to have to explain once again to my grandfather why I came home limping and groaning at every wrong move, I was astonished and taken aback when I saw a familiar silhouette standing between me and my attackers, the timid eyes I was used to sharpened into fierce slits, teeth bared in a threatening snarl and an unexpected determination to protect me burning in his stance. Despite his thin body, hunched shoulders and untrained punches, I had never seen an image that so clearly defined strength than what I saw in Eren Jaeger that day. I knew it was preposterous for me of all people to even think this, but I wanted nothing more than to keep that boy safe, who had clearly endured too much pain alone in his premature life.

Although I hadn’t managed to find Eren during lunch break, I knew we had English the next period together, so I calmly navigated my way through the swarming halls after the school bell rang. English was one of my strongest subjects, and I shared it with quite a few people I knew and was comfortable with, so I was looking forward to it.

I came into the class early and was not surprised to find Eren already seated at the back of the room as usual. I had realised that Eren always made sure to be one of the first there, most likely to secure his chair where the least people would pay attention to him. I would usually sit at the front of the class so I wouldn’t miss anything the teacher said, but instead I diverted from my usual course and walked up to Eren’s desk, much like I did the first day I spoke to him. When Eren looked up at me, I could see he was still surprised at my presence, but I also got the impression that he may have been suspecting I would come to him. I motioned at the desk next to him with a smile, and he nodded without much of a pause.

Once I had settled into my new seat, I watched the other students file into the classroom. It didn’t take long for Erwin and Levi to come in and sit relatively near Eren and I, which seemed a little unusual, as I recalled that they usually stuck to the other side of the classroom. I thought I saw them send curious glances in Eren’s direction, but I couldn’t be sure – although I wouldn’t be surprised, after the encounter Eren had at Levi’s house.

Late as usual, our English teacher Mr Pixis finally strolled into the room languidly, an easy smile crinkling the tired creases of his aging face.

‘Alright, as we’ve just finished language analysis, we’ll be moving on to the next topic.’ He said in his characteristically low yet light drawl that almost permanently sounded like an old man that had just woken up from a pleasant nap, while strolling across the front of the room, balancing a mug of presumably coffee in his nimble fingers. Two students in my year level called Connie and Sasha – dubbed ‘Springles’ by their friends – once spread the rumour that Pixis’s coffee was always spiked with rum, which was easily believed based on the teacher’s easy-going personality and slow movements, which suspiciously resembled that of being tipsy.

‘You’re all probably wondering what the new topic is. Well, I’ll put you out of your misery soon enough. I assume that while some of you would be excited with it, others will be devastated. And I don’t want to hear how you’re never going to use these skills, and how these lessons are a waste of time. Because what we’ll be studying next is…’ Pixis paused deliberately, smirking at the students who had strained expressions from the suspense. ‘…creative writing.’

Just as Pixis had predicted, there was a chorus of pained groans mixed in with sighs of relief, or even the occasional whoops of joy. Personally I was excited at the prospect of studying a topic I was confident in, but also at the potential opportunity it could present me to speak with Eren again. Glancing through the corner of my eyes, I noticed a barely present curve on Eren’s lips, which I could only assume was his impression of a smile. It was somewhat heart-warming to see that Eren was enjoying himself, even just a little. It was unfortunately far too rare to see him genuinely happy at any time.

‘We will be analysing a few creative texts, including fictional novels, poetry and music lyrics. You will also be required to produce a few creative pieces of your own, which will be interesting to mark. Mostly you will be working independently, but some tasks will require partner or group work.’ At the mention of this, I noticed immediately how Eren’s face blanched, and the hint of pleasure that was there was washed away like grime through a car wash. But instead of openly expressing his distress, Eren chose to look indifferent and directed his focus to something outside the window.

The rest of the lesson was spent giving a summary of how the course was set, and what the projects entailed. Pixis explained that we would all be required to read a fictional novel of choice in our own time, and was to present a short review to the class for the first task. He wrote up a list of novels which we could choose from on the board, as well as explaining that we were free to review anything he hadn’t covered. Before he let us roam around the room to discuss options with other class mates, he made it clear that although teen-romance novels were not prohibited, students were not to be surprised if they received atrocious scores. ‘It’s not my fault you have terrible taste in literature.’ Pixis shrugged, giving a pointed stare at Mina – a smart but introverted girl with charcoal-black hair tied loosely into low pigtails I sometimes studied with in the library – who was known for reading Twilight and the Mortal Instrument series.

Thinking it was a good a time as any, I slowly turned towards Eren and asked tentatively, ‘Do you have any idea what you want to review?’

Eren glanced at me, biting his lower lip in thought. ‘…Maybe _Crime and Punishment_ by Fyodor Dostoevsky.’

‘Oh, I’ve read it. I won’t spoil anything, but it’s absolutely fantastic.’ I beamed happily, glad at finding another topic we could both relate to. ‘The conflicting perceptions and desires of its characters are really thought provoking, and it’s a brilliant representation of those who lived through poverty in Russia. Dostoevsky’s understanding of the human mind, and how it works through anguish – especially crime – is phenomenal.’

The ghost of a smile had slowly crept back onto Eren’s face as I was speaking, and I felt we had somehow fallen back into the comfortable bubble that had encased us during our first meeting in the library years ago. Despite how infrequent and tense our encounters had been previously, I felt a kind of intimacy present, like we had been close friends all our lives, and there was an inseparable bond between us. I had the impression Eren felt it as well.

Tentatively, Eren asked if I had a novel in mind, and I told him I was debating between _For Whom the Bells Toll_ by Earnest Hemingway and an Orwell novel I had yet to read. The slight glimmer that ran through vibrant green eyes gave me the impression that Eren was familiar with both authors, and we quietly discussed the affect war has on moral views as presented through literature.

We had begun discussing Alexandre Solzenitzkin, and the _Gulag Archipelago_ , when a shrill cry of sardonic disbelief brutally shattered whatever impression of peace we had created.

‘Jaeger’s smiling! Freak is actually _smiling!_ ’

Every head in the classroom spun around to fix incredulous stares in our direction, or more specifically, at Eren. He looked horrified at the attention sent at him, and obviously tried his best to cower away from their intrusive gazes.

The person who had caused this was standing on the other side of the room, an accusing finger with manicured nails directed at her victim. Hitch Dreyse, with her feline-like eyes narrowed in malicious glee had a wicked smirk stretched threateningly across her made up face. ‘Did anyone even know he was capable of being happy? I thought he only knew how to be depressed twenty-four-seven!’ She giggled, swerving between students until she could slap her palms on Eren’s desk, getting far too close for anyone’s comfort to look right at his face. ‘Come on, lemme see those pearly whites.’ It was blatantly obvious that Eren was uncomfortable with her invasion, but Hitch was relentless in pestering him to smile for the class. ‘Common Freak! Smile again, just a little. Pwetty pweease.’ Recognizing that he was not going to comply, she huffed and pinched Eren’s quivering cheeks and yanked them to the side, stretching them with enough force I feared it will tear skin. ‘Hey, I told you to smile!’

The class had slowly grown increasingly rowdy, most of them abandoning their desks to drift towards the centre of commotion, with the exception of a few others such as Erwin and Levi, who simply glared at Hitch with contempt. Pixis attempted to regain control over his students but was unsuccessful, having lost their attention to the self-obsessed girl who continued to torment Eren.

‘Oh my God, you’re so fucking useless!’ Hitch complained, slapping Eren’s hands as he attempted to push his assailant away. I could see the panic in Eren, so breaking myself from my stunned stupor, jumped up from my seat and pulled on her shoulder with as much force as I dared. I didn’t know what her reaction would be, but I definitely had not been expecting Hitch to spin around and claw at my face in one fell swoop, making me stumble back as I clutched the side of my face where a burst of white pain exploded across my skin. I crashed into a desk, gasping as I tried to regain my lost balance.

A stunned silence fell over the room, shocked at the girl’s sudden aggression. Even Hitch looked surprised, eyes wide as she stared down at me.

Almost immediately I felt someone at my side, gently clutching my arms so I was secure. Looking up, I wasn’t surprised to see a concerned Eren mere inches from my face. His almost frantic worry was conveyed through every crease and upturn of his eyebrows. This was by far the closest we had ever been, but I could not fully appreciate the moment with the pulsating pain on my cheek. It felt like someone had slit the first layer of skin and inserted a nest of angry ants that bit and gnawed at my naked flesh, and I was having a difficult time holding my tears at bay.

‘It’s your fault for sneaking up on me…’ Hitch weakly accused, attempting to justify what she had just done. ‘I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I only wanted Freak to smile. If anything, shouldn’t it be Jaeger’s fault? If he wasn’t so stubborn and just smiled like I’d asked, I wouldn’t have had to be persistent...!’

‘Don’t even try to blame the kid for your fucking stupidity, bitch.’

Everyone turned back around to stare directly at Levi, who was just getting up from his seat to stalk towards us, the other students parting to make way for the intimidating senior. Every step he took seemed to echo morbidly in the wake of the choking silence, and the steel piercings and studs that decorated his appearance did nothing to soften the monstrous glare that bled freely from his being.

Erwin followed close behind, and while Levi stopped right in front of Hitch, the blonde came up beside me and gently led me away from the commotion where he examined the claw marks, which I was sure had broken skin. Erwin scowled at the damage, but then gave me a sympathetic smile. ‘I’m sure it won’t scar, but it’s probably best to get it cleaned with a disinfectant before going home.’

I was about to answer him when we heard a cry and a loud clatter, spinning around in time to see Hitch on the verge of tears with the front of her shirt collar fisted in Levi’s strained grasp. I couldn’t quite hear what he said, but whatever came out of the older Ackerman’s mouth was enough to make Hitch’s skin blanch to a chalky white, and her lips to begin trembling fiercely. The ash-blonde hair that was previously styled into loose waves had by then become messy and disarrayed, giving her a slightly Miss Havisham-like look.

Levi eventually let go and the girl fell to the ground, legs chattering as she tried to scramble back up with the help of her friends. I half expected Levi to go back to acting like nothing disturbed the lesson, but instead, he turned to Eren and asked in a gentle tone somewhat unfitting of him if he was okay. Eren looked quite shaken, but nodded anyway and shuffled back to his seat. Levi looked like he still had something to say, but turned and returned to his desk as well.

The prolonging silence was shattered by a booming voice shouted from the front of the room. ‘Everyone, sit down and shut up.’ Pixis stood firmly with arms crossed over his chest, the usually pleasant ease of his demeanour replaced with an authoritarian threat. ‘Miss Dreyse, stay back after school for detention. Clear your schedule because you’ll be seeing me every day this week.’ Hitch was obviously about to complain, but after receiving a hard glare for Pixis’s usually warm eyes, she resigned and buried her face in the crook of her arm. ‘And for every day you don’t show up, you’ll get another week. Everyone else, the bell’s going to ring any minute now, so you may as well leave. Class dismissed.’

With a screech of dragging chairs, the students began to eagerly file out of the room. A few people hung back, including Eren, myself, Levi and Erwin. Pixis noticed our need for privacy, so left the keys on his desk before exiting as well.

The heavy silence was stuffy and tense, but I didn’t occupy myself with it. Instead I came up to Eren’s desk, leaning close by to peek at his face. Eren was crying. He didn’t make any noise, but a steady stream of tears dripped down his cheek and onto his lap. But what lay behind the tears was not misery or resignation, but something much darker, with a foreboding shadow of a raging storm that threatened to reach out and drown everything in its path. The murderous venom was the same one I saw when he had risked his safety to protect me, and I wondered just how frail he really was when it mattered. Was he actually more than people assumed he was? Was there something in him that demanded caution, as one would be weary of crossing the domain of a rabid wolf? That was something I could not know, and I was left not understanding what the right course of action was.

However, I did the one thing I was capable of doing, and snuck my fingers around his hand to make him aware of my hopefully comforting presence. I was there, and he was not alone.

‘Eren.’ I looked up to see the two seniors approaching, Levi with his usual stoic expression and Erwin with a thoughtful one. Stopping right next to us, the shorter of the duo crossed his arms and stood firmly with his sure posture and commanding presence. Eren didn’t move, but gave the impression that he was still listening. ‘Come over to my house tonight.’

Finally Eren looked up cautiously, his eyes glistening from the tears, making the green seem almost luminous. They stared at each other while Eren contemplated the offer, chewing on his lips in what I was beginning to assume was a nervous habit of his. Finally making a decision, he furiously wiped the tear-tracks from his face as he rose to his feet.

Nodding in satisfaction, Levi walked out the room, followed by his friend who had a content smile on his face. I was left with Eren in the room, and we wordlessly gathered our belongings to leave. I collected the keys from the front desk and waited for Eren to step out the door before locking it behind us. For a minute, when the bell had yet to ring and the corridor was void of any other student, we felt like the only living beings in the world; the whole population of the human race. There was no one else to harm us; to repress us; and we experienced a lonely freedom like no other.

I felt the brush of fingers against mine, and then we mutually entwined them. We stood together in silence, conveying our gratitude, retelling our lives, reliving our meeting and visions of the future. I understood that we knew each other – that we could relate – and that we weren’t alone when there was the other.

We barely heard it when the bell finally rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I don't go to an American school, so this is mostly made up. Eren and Armin are in the year below Levi and Erwin, but because they're so smart they share some classes with them. Meh. Whatever works.


	5. Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Levi POV]  
> The troupe gathers at the Ackerman residence; Levi, Erwin and Hanji's voice have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I compensate my lateness with a longer than usual chapter. Enjoy

After school finally ended, Erwin and I met up with Mikasa, Armin, and Eren, who I had the impression would soon become a semi-permanent addition to our little group. Armin had already been to the nurse’s office, and had tape applied over the deepest scratches. The damage was worse than I had thought, and I internally hoped that Hitch had broken a nail in the process and was grieving over it until her expensive mascara cascaded down her face. It was unlikely, but the image was satisfying.

The five of us walked to my home peacefully, with the brats forming a triangle on the pavement in front of us while Erwin and I trailed a few meters behind. Armin and Mikasa would occasionally exchange a few words, and then fall back into a comfortable silence. At one point Eren glanced behind him, but when our gazes met, he spun forward as though the mere sight of me was enough to haunt his nightmares. It wasn’t unusual, though. Mikasa made it very clear to me from a young age that my ‘resting bitch-face’ was fit for a mafia boss’s mug shot. Not that I was complaining, though. It came to good use when I wanted to scare a dick-bag shitless.

Like that attention whore Hitch.

I was still livid at what the bitch had done, but my temperament had cooled significantly in comparison to the rage I felt when I first saw Eren’s innocent face frozen in horror. No one had the right to inflict that degree of emotional anguish on anyone, especially if they did nothing to be provoked; even more so to a kid like Eren, who clearly had enough shit to deal with already. It made me sick, seeing the cruel glee on Hitch’s face – as well as a few other students – and I was berating myself for not intervening sooner.

‘Don’t beat yourself up over this, Levi. You did more than what most people would.’

I glared up at Erwin, who had a sympathetic expression as though he were talking to an ill-tempered child. Always trust Captain America-incarnate to know exactly what you’re thinking. ‘You know I should have done more than I did. The bitch deserved it.’

‘I won’t argue that Hitch deserved to be punished, but I think you already did enough. What did you say to her, anyway? It looked like you sucked out all her blood just by speaking to her.’

‘I wish.’ Erwin looked down at me unapprovingly, to which I challenged with a sneer of my own. ‘I just explained how I knew things about her which could end every chance she has at a pleasant future – not that there was a high chance of that to begin with, though.’

‘And what would this information be?’

‘You of all people should know I can’t tell you. It’ll just lessen the value.’

‘So what you’re saying is that you don’t actually have anything on her.’

I clicked my tongue at the blonde’s perceptiveness, keeping my eyes on the three juniors ahead of us. ‘Everyone has secrets, Erwin. Things they will do virtually anything to keep hidden; and having them exposed would leave them utterly vulnerable, to the extent that they will be unable to function properly from their paranoia.’

‘Well, admittedly the chances of Hitch having something to hide is very likely, but what if that secret wasn’t as drastic as you’d hoped? In that case, you wouldn’t have had much leverage. Wasn’t it a rather risky gamble?’

‘It would have been, if I hadn’t already known that whatever Hitch is hiding is significant.’

I could tell without looking that Erwin was raising his too-thick eyebrows at me, prompting for a continuation. But I had done enough explaining for the time, so I let him figure it out for himself. I was sure it wouldn’t take long.

‘Was it Hanji?’ He finally asked, a kind of knowingness present in his voice.

‘Who else?’

‘Point taken.’

There was a sudden laugh from Armin, who seemed cheerier than usual. It was good to see that he wasn’t too badly affected from the incident in English class, and he seemed to be comfortable in the presence of someone he wasn’t well acquainted with. Even Eren, who I’d hardly ever seen as anything but agitated seemed to be easing into the duo’s company, which I felt was a somewhat endearing sight. Sometime between Friday afternoon and then, I had developed an almost adamant need for Eren to have someone to rely on; someplace to feel safe, and I was sure that everyone walking with us at that time felt the same way.

‘A while back,’ I continued, feeling the need to clarify what Erwin and I had been previously discussing, ‘Hanji and I were talking about blackmail and what we could use against certain people, and she told me that there was something she knew about Hitch that could ruin her, but wouldn’t tell me what it was.’

‘So basically, you don’t know the specific information, but by allowing Hitch to believe you do, you were able to produce the same result.’ I nodded at his conclusion, and we both chuckled at the memory of the ash-blonde looking like her heart had stopped, just by me uttering a few simple words. The moment when her façade of coy arrogance shattered at the dawning realisation that she was completely at my mercy was priceless, and I wished someone had filmed it so I could re-watch it on loop.

Call me a sadist, but that was fucking hilarious.

We didn’t speak again until our destination was reached. That was one benefit about the closest of relationships; you could spend an entire day together without exchanging a word and never feel awkward about it. With my squad, there generally had to be an easy conversation flowing – at least between some of them – or things just got tense and I usually ended up leaving. But with Erwin and Hanji – Mikasa also, but she’s a sibling so she didn’t really count – I didn’t need to be verbal to communicate with them, and we felt no need to fill the silences that stretched on between conversations. Maybe our thought processes had become in sync, so we knew exactly what the others were thinking. At least that was the case with Erwin, who definitely had some kind of one-sided telepathy. The bastard knew everything that passed your mind, no matter how stoic your expression may be.

When the five of us filed into my home after our slow walk, we stuck to our two small groups and separated into rooms; Eren’s in the dining room and mine in the lounge. Mikasa took up the role of hostess, getting drinks for everyone after putting away her commando boots. She threw Erwin and I cans of soft drink from the kitchen – not the smartest idea, unless she intended to make an indoor water feature – and then went about preparing hot drinks for her friends.

‘What’re you making?’ I called out, tentatively snapping open the can and slurping up the froth that overflew from the rim, Erwin following suit. Normally I would never have bothered learning what guests like to drink, but I thought I could make an exception for once.

‘Hot chocolate for Armin, mocha for Eren and coffee for myself.’ Was Mikasa’s simple reply, too distracted to pick up on my uncharacteristic query.

‘What the hell? Are you making the whole spectrum of hot beverages form child to adult?’ I called, frowning at my sister’s back.

‘Shut up Levi. It’s what we want. And anyway, it’s far more appropriate for winter than soft drinks.’ Once she was done making all three, she balanced the steaming mugs on a serving tray and began carrying them to the dining room, before stopping and saying to me, ‘We’re going to be studying, so don’t disturb us.’

I grunted in affirmation, already engrossed with messaging Hanji.

_To: Shitty glasses_

_4:14 PM_

_Erwin and sis’ group r crashing at my place. Apparently straight A trio needs 24/7 studying_

It didn’t take long to receive a reply.

_From: Shitty glasses_

_4:15 PM_

_Heeyyy y u no invite moi grumpy bum?!_

_(T^T)_

I was about to type back some sarcastic reply about not wanting my house contaminated, when I was interrupted by a tirade of buzzes alerting me of new notifications. Here we go.

_Wait trio? Whos musketeer #3?_

_IS IT EREN?!!!_

_OMG OMG it is isnt it!!_

_Kyaaaaa yr already havin play dates!_

_SHIP IT_

Knowing she wasn’t going to shut up for a while, I turned the phone to silent and decided to wait it out. Erwin raised an inquisitive eyebrow, to which I mouthed Hanji’s name. My answer seemed to satisfy him, as immediately Erwin turned his attention elsewhere. It was an inside joke of ours that the science fanatic’s name was like Beetlejuice, and if you weren’t careful in saying it, you may accidentally summon her. We never had the balls to try it out.

Erwin flicked on the TV, and after not finding anything interesting after briefly channel surfing, settled on a news program and dropped the volume a bit so we could still talk. When he turned my way and I saw his stern expression, I knew the TV was one of his tactics meant to drown out our voices from the other occupants of the house. What we were about to discuss was for our ears alone.

After a long moment where we intently assessed the other’s body language to gauge any hidden messages, Erwin sucked in a deep breath and began. ‘Levi, answer me honestly; what are your intentions with Eren Jaeger?’

It took me a while to answer. What did I want with Jaeger? I was aware of my fascination with him, ever since Mikasa dragged the brat back to our house and I saw those iridescent eyes for the first time. But would I really defend someone from harassment then invite them back home, just because I was interested? The usual me would have scoffed at the very idea. But with Eren, I felt there was an exception. Perhaps it was because he was important to Armin, who by then was kind of family anyway; or simply because I had never come across another being so shrouded in mystery as he was, and I found myself immediately drawn to that. I had never stopped to consider what I wanted to do with him until Erwin brought it up. Was he just another short-lived subject of curiosity, or something more? Basically, I had no definite answer.

‘I don’t know, Erwin. I haven’t thought about it.’ I could tell he wasn’t pleased with my response, so before he could retort I continued. ‘All I do know – at least for the moment – is that the brat’s got enough to deal with without being harassed by a bunch of pricks who have no other form of entertainment other than to humiliate those weaker than them.’

‘So you want to be his knight in shining armour?’

‘Don’t be fucking stupid. Heroes and damsels are for fairy tales. In reality, there are only those who are weaker and those who are stronger, and the strong aren’t obligated by some moral force to protect the weak, nor are there any guarantees of a happy ending. Most of the time, real stories don’t end at “happily ever after.” Life is more complex than that, so it’s fucking stupid to try and label someone as good or evil based solely on how they behave during the peak of their lives.’

Erwin stared and me intently, his calculating hues crackling with a cunning I could never hope to achieve. He was probably searching for secondary meanings in my words, dissecting and analysing my answer like Hanji would a test subject. Finally, he seemed sated and relaxed back into the couch, taking a few sips from his now tepid drink.

‘I trust you Levi. I trust that you won’t toy with Eren then leave him in the dust. He’s a brave kid, but has been alone for so long that I doubt he knows how to deal with a betrayal from someone he invests his trust in.’

‘What makes you think he trusts me?’

‘Just a hunch.’ He shrugged, signalling an end to the conversation.

I was still dubious, but didn’t press further. Picking up my phone and turning the alert back on, I scrolled through the frantic messages from Hanji begging for information, then stating she was going to come over.

_To: Shitty glasses_

_4:22 PM_

_No ur not_

Instead of another message as I had expected, my phone started blasting a cackling laughter that reminded me of Hanji’s, only much worse; a phone call. I had no idea why I set my ringtone to that wretched noise, but it never failed to put me on high alert in preparation to combat the mental assault known as Hanji Zoe. Knowing what was coming, I held the phone a good distance away from my ear when I pressed the answer button. I didn’t need to strain my hearing to catch every word bellowed through the speaker.

‘Levi Levi Levi! Why can’t I come over?! I thought we were best buds, you meanie! And its Eren there isn’t it? Ooh why didn’t you tell me you became friendly with the little pumpkin? Are you two togeth-’

‘Shut the fuck up Hanji. I’ll explain if you fucking let me.’ Once she finally did after little resistance, I told her what happened during English class, and that I wasn’t comfortable with him being alone after an ordeal such as that.

‘Aww, you’re so caring when you want to be.’ Hanji fawned once I was finished, to which I told her to fuck herself. _‘_ But seriously, you’re hardly ever this considerate with other people; even to Auruo.’

‘Auruo is an idiot, so he doesn’t count. And get off my back about the brat. I’ve already got Erwin here interrogating me about him.’

‘Oh! Is Erwin there? HEY ERWIN! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU GUYS WERE MEETING AT LEVI’S?!’ She suddenly screamed, making me jerk my head away in a vain attempt to save my eardrums. The blonde giant simply chuckled, watching me in obvious amusement. He plucked the phone from my grasp and brought it to his own ear, a pleased smile never leaving his lips

‘Hello, Hanji. Yes, I’m sorry for not inviting you, but it wasn’t up to me. It’s Levi’s house, so he decides who is granted access.’ I heard Henji’s muffled voice chattering rapidly, and Erwin nodding his head sympathetically despite her not being able to see it. ‘Again I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come either. Yes, I know you’re close to Eren – closer than Levi and myself – but you should also know how he is with crowds. I thought it was already pushing it with me being here, but he seems to be managing with Armin and Mikasa. So like we said, until Eren becomes more comfortable with being social, I don’t think it would do him any good for us to surround him with people.’

I didn’t hear Hanji reply for a long time, and wondered whether she got upset and hung up. But finally I heard a hum of noise, and then Erwin passed the phone back to me. I wordlessly brought it up to my ear, grunting to signify that I was listening. She wasted no time to start speaking.

‘Aright, I understand, I won’t come over today. But I’ll definitely pester you later though.’ There was another manic cackle on the other end of the line, but it soon tailed off to mirthful tone. ‘Sooo what’re you all up to?’

‘Watching gay porn.’ I deadpanned, making Erwin choke on his drink. I glared as he wiped at the dribble dripping down his chin, wordlessly warning him to not make a mess.

‘Aww now I really want to come over! You’re making me so jelly!’ Hanji whined, eventually returning to acting her age. ‘But really, what are you doing? Actually I don’t care about you and Erwin. What’s Eren doing? Is he with you?’

‘Nah, he’s studying with the other brats.’

‘I thought so. It wouldn’t be like him to forego studying for entertainment. He’s always so determined to do well, though I have no idea what motivates him so much.’

Before I could answer, I head a click and suddenly my ear was filled with and echo of Erwin’s voice, one coming from beside me and one through my phone. ‘I’ve been considering that since lunch today, and I have a few theories that may be of interest to you.’

‘What the hell are you doing, Erwin?’ I demanded, glaring at the blonde idiot who shrugged his shoulders dismissively, holding his own mobile against his ear.

‘I got bored listening to your one-way conversation and decided to join in.’

‘So now we’re just going to re-enact Mean Girls for the hell of it.’

‘Yeah, pretty much.’

I groaned at the smug look on the idiot’s face, but brought the conversation back to what we were discussing. ‘How about you share these theories of yours, Erwin.’

‘Certainly.’ Immediately his expression was drained of humour and was replaced with precise intensity, every sharp angle accentuating his maturity and fierceness. ‘Firstly, I think we can all gage by the state of his dress that Eren is most likely faced with financial struggles. So would it not be reasonable to assume he would wish to get out of that situation, and be able to earn an income that would allow for a more comfortable life in the future? Especially if he feels obligated to support his parents, as well as any other family member. Another theory is that Eren seeks control and dominance through academia, as such areas are the only ways in which he can surpass his 'enemies'. I once read that “success is the greatest form of revenge,” so perhaps he wishes to get back at the people who made his life hell buy elevating himself above them, and proving that he was more than they could have ever assumed; a subtle “fuck you,” if you will. Additionally, perhaps he finds an escape in all the work he does.’ Receiving a puzzled look from me, Erwin quickly elaborated. ‘It’s a bit like how some people who go through a loss or tragedy may throw themselves into work, as a form of distraction from the pain and sorrow they feel. Well, we can all agree that Eren goes through a lot of pain on a regular basis, so perhaps by concentrating on study, books, and work, he finds means through which to survive.’

‘That seems reasonable.’ I heard Hanji mumble, clearly comparing evidence with the proposed theories.

‘Also, this is just a possibility, but I think there is a chance that Eren may be located somewhere on the autism spectrum.’ Erwin stated simply, as though what he had just said meant no more than a passing comment about an oddly shaped cloud.

‘What?’ Hanji and I demanded simultaneously, incredulity painting our voices. What was he thinking, accusing people of being psychologically different without ever having spoken to them? I would willingly admit to Erwin’s superior perceptiveness; but come on, that was a little too much.

Erwin sighed at our reaction, producing a piece of folded paper from his jeans pocket and reading it aloud for us to hear. ‘“Difficulty forming friendships, preferring isolation over interaction, seemingly good articulation skills but poor communication, lack of practical verbal skills, inability to understand social behaviours such as emotions, sensitivity to criticism, few interests, rules, ritualistic behaviour, and can act very peculiar or aggressive depending on the severity.” There are many other characteristics, but those are the primary ones of concern. Naturally, I have no way of confirming all of them, but even you two must admit that there is some of interest.’

‘Well, there definitely are characteristics that seem to match.’ Hanji hummed after a moment of silent contemplation, and then sighed heavily as if to expel a year’s worth of stress before resuming her usual rapid speaking. ‘But we can’t jump to any conclusions, you know. We aren’t qualified to make any diagnosis, and we definitely don’t know Eren intimately enough to make informed assumptions.’ Her tone suddenly brightened tenfold, and I could tell from the slight hitch in her words that she was smiling like a human Cheshire chat. ‘Did I tell you guys that my parents got me to see a psychologist when I was a kid because they thought I had ADHD?! How crazy is that?!’

‘Let me guess, you came back positive.’ I grumbled, earning a chuckle from Erwin.

‘No no no I didn’t. Not yet, anyway.’

‘Well clearly they didn’t do a very good job.’

‘Ha ha, very funny kid.’ Hanji said, though clearly she was enjoying herself. ‘But the point I’m trying to make is that we really can’t tell with Eren at the moment. And anyway, whether Eren has some degree of autism or not is none of our business. The best we can do for the moment is to let things be, and if at any time Eren comes to us for help, we make sure to assist him no matter what.’

‘I think that’s a good plan.’ Erwin agreed, sliding the neatly folded paper back into his pocket. ‘Well, this conversation has been enjoyable, but I believe my battery will run out shortly, so I will have to be the one to end it. I’ll see you tomorrow, Hanji.’

‘BYE BYE ERWI-’ Sick of the assault on my ears, I hung up first, tossing the phone on the cushions with an annoyed huff. I will probably be deaf by the time I reached forty if she kept that volume up.

‘Don’t make that face, Levi.’

‘What face?’

‘The face that says the world is going to end. It’s just Hanji.’

‘Exactly. The world is going to end because of Hanji.’

Erwin laughed, then picked up my phone after it buzzed, notifying us that I had a new message. I grumbled, thinking it was Hanji already back to pester me, but Erwin just scanned the screen before placing it back down. ‘Kuchel said she and Kenny won’t be back tonight, so order takeout or make something yourself. Again.’

Groaning at the news, I peeled my body off the couch and approached the dining room, opening the door to reveal all three juniors hunched over the table, which presently had multi-coloured textbooks and notes scattered about like the aftermath of a hurricane. I cringed at the mess they had made, but didn’t comment on it. Instead I alerted them of my presence by knocking firmly on the doorframe, making all three of them look up in unison. I could tell by her scowl that Mikasa was annoyed at being disturbed despite warning me not to, but didn’t bother reprimanding me, which I was thankful for. ‘Kuchel and Kenny won’t be home for dinner tonight. We’ll probably make something ourselves.’

While Mikasa and Armin nodded in understanding, Eren only responded by returning his attention back to his work, as though what we were discussing had nothing to do with him. I cocked an eyebrow questioningly, confused by his indifference. ‘Well? Are you fine with that, brat?’

Eren snapped his head back up, clearly startled as he wasn’t expecting to be addressed. Mikasa frowned at me calling him a brat, but I ignored her. I didn’t understand why he seemed confused, until a stray thought came to me. ‘You are staying for dinner, right?’

I watched Eren’s eyes widen through the long curtain of his fringe, mouth forming shapes but no sound leaving it. I couldn’t help but suspect that this may have been the first time anyone had ever offered Eren to have dinner with them – maybe even the first time for him to stay over at someone else’s home for the sake of it. After having lived a life of seclusion, perhaps Eren was so accustomed to being overlooked, of being left out, that he didn’t consider the possibility that someone would expect him to stay longer than was politely necessary.

Again, there was that pity for this lonely kid.

‘Eren,’ Armin began, having apparently come to the same realisation as myself; ‘do you want to have dinner with us? You’re welcome to stay, you know.’ When Eren turned an astonished face towards the blonde, I watched Armin give an encouraging smile. ‘Really, it would be fun.’

After an extended silence where Eren seemed to frantically search for a reply, and asking if we were sure, he settled for nervously tugging on his sleeves and saying he needed to get permission from his mother first.

‘Yeah, sure.’ But when he made no move to pull out a cell phone, we all looked at him in confusion. He seemed to only get more flustered under the attention and curled into a ball on his chair.

‘Aren’t you going to call your mother?’ Mikasa asked, and leant in when she couldn’t hear Eren mumble something in reply. ‘What was that? Eren, I can’t hear if you don’t speak up.’

‘I… I don’t own a phone…’

Silence.

All four of us said absolutely nothing. I could tell both Mikasa and Armin were just as shocked as I was. It probably proved how we were pampered snobs, having the mindset that everyone our age that went to our school would own a phone. It was definitely naïve of us, and I felt slightly shameful of that.

‘O-oh, well, you can use the landline, right?’ Armin said, being the first to recover from the surprise and embarrassment. ‘There’s one in the kitchen, so you can use that.’ Eren nodded and excused himself, rushing past me with a flushed face.

I knew that I shouldn’t, and it was a shit thing to do, but as soon as Eren was out of sight I swivelled around and speed-walked out of there towards my parent’s bedroom, which also had a phone connected to the landline. I was about to close the door behind me when Erwin slipped in as well, apparently having followed me there. Once the door was closed, I hovered my hand over the phone’s holder, then after waiting a few seconds for Eren to get to the kitchen, find the phone and dial the number, I took the chance and picked it up, pressing the speaker button so we could both listen in.

I didn’t know why we were trying to eavesdrop on Eren’s conversation, but I felt like I needed to do it, even if it meant invading the kid’s privacy. But to both of our surprise; nothing happened. There was just a continual beep, indicating that no call was being made. I exchanged a confused glance with Erwin, who was frowning and seemed to be contemplating what was going on as well.

We mutually decided to check it out, and exited the master bedroom and made our way to the kitchen just in time to see Eren hastily put the phone back onto the receiver and spin around to greet us.

‘Um, she said I could stay.’ Eren blurted out, and then added unsurely, ‘That is, if you’re still okay with it…?’

‘I may be spontaneous, but I don’t retract an offer I just made in less than two minutes for no reason.’ I huffed, not meaning for it to come out as harshly as it did. Eren mumbled a rushed apology, lightly tugging at his fringe nervously. I thought he was about to say something, and he probably did, but instead he brushed past me and went back to join my sister and Armin studying.

When we heard a distant door close, Erwin and I looked at each other, understanding what the other was thinking – seriously, I have no doubt we have a sixth sense. Just to be sure we wouldn’t be heard, we spoke in hushed whispers while pulling up stools to sit on. ‘He didn’t actually call his mother just then.’ Erwin pointed out, to which I rolled my eyes sardonically.

‘No shit Sherlock. It doesn’t take a genius to work out he was lying. The real mystery here, though, is _why_ he lied.’

We discussed possible answers, and eventually narrowed them down to three options. One; he already knew that he would be granted permission, and either didn’t think it necessary to ask, or couldn’t reach his mother but didn’t want to explain that to us so lied – not very realistic. Second; he knew he wouldn’t be allowed, so opted to not call at all – why didn’t he just say he could stay in the first place? And lastly – as well as most likely; he wanted to stay, but perhaps he was expected to be at home (maybe no one was there?), and didn’t want to alert his mother that he was breaking curfew. If Eren’s mother really wasn’t at home, thus had freedom to do anything he liked, it would make sense why he was unexpectedly willing to stay late, when on other occasions he would probably have refused adamantly.

One thing was certain; Eren was clearly hiding something, and we wanted to know what it was.

‘Well,’ Erwin began, breaking me from my thoughts; ‘I can tell you now that my interest has been piqued by the Jaeger boy.’

‘So now you’re going to team up with Hanji and investigate him through illegal means?’ I furrowed my brows at him exasperatedly, not looking forward to the unforeseeable future.

‘Don’t make it sound so bad, Levi. You know you’re interested as well.’ Erwin retorted with a low chuckle, facing the way we last saw the nervous kid retreat back to the dining room. ‘I’ll be sure to share our findings with you as well.’

‘You’re evil, you know that?’

‘Yes, I’m well aware.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many ideas for angst. I can't wait to write them all.


	6. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They eat, and Levi is more interested than he should be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so first there is something I want to make clear. I am not religious in any way, nor are any of my family members, so there is a high chance that I will get things wrong, and possibly offend some people. I will try to avoid being too insensitive, but please bear in mind that a lot of the opinions will be presented through Levi, who is an atheist, and it is known that he is a very blunt and straight forward character, so his lines will reflect that. There will definitely be dialogue that questions various faiths and their practices, but hopefully it will not come across as too derogatory. Spirituality and religion will be a recurring theme throughout the story, and I will try to incorporate different perceptions of it. If you have any opinions you would like to share, or if I make a mistake in its representation, please feel free to leave a comment. I am open to new information and opportunities to learn, so I will do my best at comprehending new ideas and hopefully integrating that to my own understanding.  
> Other than that, I hope you enjoy my rather late update

I learned pretty quickly that Eren was good in the kitchen.

He wasn’t exactly a Michelin star chef, but he definitely knew his way around a kitchen none the less. Once Mikasa and Armin worked out whether Eren had any allergies or intolerances – he didn’t – they decided to make pasta bake, a dressed salad and a loaf of garlic bread for dinner. There was a brief but intense debate between the two on what flavour the pasta sauce should be, but they finally settled on cream-based once Eren timidly interrupted that that was his preference. Erwin had offered to help – the gentleman that he is – but Armin assured us that the three of them were alright on their own. So the blonde and I seated ourselves at the kitchen bench and watched the three juniors bustle around the kitchen to make the meal. We felt like lazy fuckers sitting there doing nothing, but we would probably only get in the way if we tried doing anything more. I supposed a cheer squad wasn’t so bad a job, anyway.

I was rather surprised at how collected Eren was while he helped with the meal prep, expertly dicing onions like he did it as a day job. His movements were swift and precise, the chef’s knife glinting dangerously at it wielded perfectly to his will. But what really stood out to me was the absence of tears, despite the fact that there were butchered raw onions right in front of him, and how the hell was he not crying out in pain? I sarcastically asked whether he had some invisible double eyelid, because how else could anyone be immune to nature’s deadly pepper-spray?

Eren shrugged absently, transferring the chopped onions, garlic and a bay leaf to a pan to sweat off. ‘I suppose I’m just used to it.’

‘So you cook often?’ Erwin asked, seizing the opportunity at small-talk.

‘Sometimes.’

Like this, a few sentences were periodically exchanged during the entire cooking process, always initiated by one of the blondes and bluntly ended by either Eren or Mikasa. The two teens seemed content with just pottering about, and appeared to work well with each other despite their contrasting personalities. If it weren’t for my knowledge of their recent meeting, I would have assumed that they had known each other for their whole lives; much like Erwin and me.

Within a matter of minutes the ground floor of our house was filled with the comforting aroma of home cooking, and I began salivating at the pleasant assault to my senses. Even when Kuchel was home, most of the time she was tired from her ridiculous work load, so she didn’t really spend time to experiment with food, or just enjoy the process of cooking. There were, of course, the lazy mornings when Mikasa would treat us with a good breakfast, but most nights she had homework to do, so she couldn’t do much then. I just didn’t care enough to try, and as for Kenny, he was plain hopeless with anything food related. Kuchel once asked him to get some mushrooms from the stores so she could make beef stroganoff for dinner, and he came back with a bag of canned mushrooms. I snorted so hard at Kuchel’s look of disbelief that my nose hurt for the rest of the day. It was even funnier when Kenny couldn’t work out for the life of him what he did wrong.

When dinner was almost ready, Mikasa ordered me to set the table so I dragged Erwin to come and help. Technically he may have been a guest, but Erwin had been over to my house so often that it was expected of him to share our chores as though he were a tenant, and thankfully he never complained. While I was neatly placing sets of polished utensils in front of the chairs, I heard Erwin begin speaking to me thoughtfully.

‘If Eren does a lot of cooking, that may mean that his mother isn’t home very often.’

‘Or he just likes to cook.’

‘Does he look like the type to you?’

‘Hey, what happened to not judging a book by its cover?’

‘This isn’t judging a book by its cover; its reading what’s on the outside – the blurb, if you will – and making informed deductions of the book’s contents.’

I huffed in exasperation when I finished with the knives and forks. ‘Well, even if we somehow manage to open the cover and read the inside, the words are probably all in hieroglyphics. I expect it would be pretty fucking hard to make sense of what we find. That kid is way too complicated for his own good, so I doubt it would be much progress if we even got him to open up to us.’

‘Not that it would stop you from trying.’ Erwin commented smugly, smirking when I sent him a threatening glare.

Before our metaphoric conversation could continue, Mikasa strode into the dining room with a steaming tray of baked pasta, soon followed by Armin with the baked garlic bread wrapped in foil, and finally Eren with the salad and jug of water. We all settled ourselves around the table, with me in Kenny’s usual seat at the head, and Eren sandwiched between his two friends. The atmosphere in there was familiar and strangely comforting, perhaps as it would be at a reunion of old school friends after splitting up in college. It was odd for me to feel so content in the presence of someone I barely knew, but it wasn’t unpleasant, so I let it be.

I had to admit that the meal looked fucking amazing. The pasta bake was pretty much food porn, with some corners of the spiral pasta having charred and turned crispy, chunks of tuna peeking out from beneath the white sauce, and cheese. My God, the cheese was glorious. Eren had explained to me in his usual meek manner that he used three types; parmesan for depth of flavour, mozzarella for stringiness and cheddar for the golden crust. Kuchel would never have approved, but who the hell cared when there was something so oozingly delicious right in front of them. The kid clearly knew his way to a man’s heart.

When my plate was satisfactorily piled with food – I may not usually eat a lot, but exceptions are made when there’s good food to tempt me – I dug in with vigour, only to realize that one person had yet to begin.

Eren sat with his head bent forward and hands resting in his lap, without having even made to take anything for himself. I wondered if he was sick, and was about to ask if he needed a bucket or something, until I realised what he was doing; praying.

I really shouldn’t have been surprised, but somehow I had completely forgotten about the kid’s religious background. I briefly saw a wooden cross handing from Eren’s neck when he had leant down earlier to pick up a fallen tomato, but had thought nothing of it. Living in an atheist family, I was completely unaccustomed to acts such as praying before meals or going to church every Sunday. So while I ate dinner in silence, I wondered what it meant to be a Jaeger; to live under the scrutiny of a God I was only told existed, with the quiet knowledge that every thought and motion was monitored by some all-knowing being. Did he believe that he was protected, despite all the beatings he had received? Did he still see beauty in a world that gave him only corruption? Could he still love, despite never receiving it himself? It was confusing, trying to fit myself into unaccustomed shoes, but as I watched the raven, brunette and blonde lined up together, I wondered just how different they really were. They were all so separate in how they presented themselves to the world, but somehow they were simultaneously so alike, and I could find traces of each other between them, like they were seeds from the same flower planted into different soil, waiting to develop into a sight that would match no other, and hopefully allow for their roots to spread until they finally connected and grew to be a single living entity.

Despite my weak attempts to keep my face lowered to the plate, I found my eyes repeatedly flicking over to the kid, whom I noticed served himself a small portion after mouthing ‘Amen.’ Mikasa asked if he wanted any more, but he politely refused, saying he didn’t have much of an appetite.

‘If you say so.’ Mikasa said, critically eyeing Eren’s thin frame poorly concealed under the thick jacked he refused to take off even while cooking. I knew without being told that my sister was concerned about his weight, too keenly aware of the dangers of being underfed after the many lectures bestowed on us by our mother on the importance of a balanced diet. Perhaps when she saw Eren, she didn’t just see another boy her age, but someone that needed to be protected and cared for, and I was willing to bet that she intended to oversee that task herself. Once accepted into the small circle of close friends she had, Eren was bound to be one of the safest people to be with.

Erwin discretely nudged my foot under the table, indicating that he had something to say to me later. But for now, we ate.

* * *

 

There were hardly any leftovers by the end of the evening.

The trio had cooked expecting to have at least two portions left for my parents when they came home, but it was mostly devoured between the five of us. Erwin especially ate a lot, going for an extra serving after saying he could eat no more. As Mae West said, ‘I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.’ Well, at least the dork looked pretty damn content by the end of it.

We spent the following hour lazily resting in the lounge, the three juniors joining us after having completed the bulk of their studying. After being inquired by Erwin, Armin explained that they had begun looking into some seminars they could all attend on breaks or weekends. He excitedly recited an ad he found for one on the ethics of sperm donation, which was going to be presented by some eccentric scientist with an unpronounceable name. It sounded Russian, but I couldn’t tell. Not that it really mattered to me. I hardly had any interest in listening to some borderline-alarming researcher rant about jacking off into a jar, or finding out you partially came from a man who jacked off into a jar, for how many hours it took for the seminar to end. I refrained from sharing my opinion with them, though, seeing as there was a very high chance of Mikasa throwing her heaviest text book at me if I did. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time.

When the hours slowly crawled by and the sun had completely set, Eren glanced at the hanging clock and mumbled that it was about time for him to go home.

Armin looked up startled, glancing at the hanging clock to gauge the exact time. ‘It’s really late… Do you want to stay the night? We can go to your house in the morning if you need to. I’m sure Mrs Ackerman won’t mind, right Levi?’ He asked, giving me a hopeful smile. It was clear he craved to spend as much time together as possible, most likely to further fertilise the seed of trust he had planted in Eren. Which was perfectly understandable, seeing as his only close friend was Mikasa, so the prospect of gaining a new one would probably have been exciting for him.

Before I could reply, Eren shook his head at him and proceeded to gather his books into his worn school bag. ‘No, really, I should be going back now. Thank you for inviting me. I had fun.’ And to an extent he did seem happy, though still with his timid stoicism muffling whatever pleasure he may have been feeling.

‘Do you want someone to walk you home? I can call a cab if you need it.’ I could tell Eren was about to refuse, but I interjected quickly. ‘I seriously don’t think you’ll be able to survive if you’re attacked on your way home.’

‘I can save myself.’ Eren’s defensive reply was immediate, and I wondered whether it was common for him to reassure people that he was okay, so he could be left to his own devices.

‘Yeah. Right. That’s why you’re always the target of pricks at school.’ I said, crossing my arms challengingly as he stood up in preparation to leave.

Clearly that wasn’t the right thing to say.

Mikasa sent me a venomous glare that rivalled my own, accompanied by a disapproving look from Erwin. Armin looked uncomfortable and stepped closer to the brunette, who I expected to retract back into himself. But I was slightly surprised to see that instead of cowering down at my insensitive comment, he looked at me square in the face, with shoulders tensed and steady. His lips were pursed tautly, but what stood out was that the distant fierceness I had seen brewing the first time I looked into those sea-deep eyes had reignited.

And then it happened.

Eren smirked.

Not the timid kind you’d do to reassure someone or fill in an awkward silence, but the kind that screamed ‘Watch me;’ dark, predatory and dangerous. It was the complete antithesis of how I usually saw Eren, and the perception I had built around him crumbled with fearful velocity, a shuddering awe being left in its wake. It was as though he was challenging my impression of him, claiming that he was more that I gave him credit for. It was a taunt, and the sneer-like coyness sent a cold chill running down my spine.

Before I could continue being entranced by that crooked curve of his lips, the expression of confidence suddenly vanished, immediately replaced by the neutral blankness I was used to associating with him.

‘I’ve walked home in the dark before. I’ll be fine.’ Once he had collected everything, Eren began making his way to the entrance with all of us slowly trailing after him. Mikasa was still glowering at me, but didn’t reprimand me just yet. I was sure that was going to come once everyone had gone home for the night.

While Eren was putting on his rugged lace-up shoes, Armin leant against the wall next to him while nervously fiddling with the ends of his shirt. ‘Um, Eren, since you don’t have a cell phone, can I have any other form of contact? Maybe an email address, or your home phone number?’

For the briefest of moments Eren’s eyes widened in what could have been stricken panic, but he quickly composed himself before anyone else could notice. ‘Umm, I don’t think that’s a very good idea…’ He mumbled, moving to the other shoe.

‘Why not?’ Armin asked, clearly confused at the refusal, but seemed to catch on to Eren’s discomfort and quickly said, ‘Oh, it’s alright. Sorry for pressuring you. Well, ah, I’ll give you my number so you can reach me whenever you want to. Mikasa…’ Before he even had to ask, my sister appeared with a piece of paper, scribbling down what I presumed to be a list of contacts, no doubt ours also. ‘Ah, thanks.’ Armin took the paper from his friend and passed it to Eren, who shoved it into his pant pocket.

‘Thanks Armin.’ Eren said, smiling at the blonde boy, then at Mikasa with the same soft look of endearment. ‘Well, I’ll be going now. Goodnight Armin, Mikasa,’ He turned to Erwin and I, seeming a little less confident, but smiling timidly anyway. ‘Goodnight Erwin, Levi.’ We met glances for a while longer, but broke it pretty soon. Eren was about to exit through the front doors and be swallowed up by the dark clutches of the night, but without processing what I was doing, I was blurting out words which I regretted saying the moment they left my mouth.

‘Come over whenever you want.’

Eren wasn’t the only one that looked surprised at my uncharacteristic invitation, but he was by far the first to recover from the shock.

‘…I hope you don’t regret saying that, Levi.’ He said in an almost whisper, as though he was unsure if he was even allowed to question my statements.

I crossed my arms defensively, shrugging my shoulders as I narrowed him with a pointed stare. ‘Yeah, I hope not either, Brat. But I never know what the right choice is. I never have. So I’ll just live life by doing whatever feels right to me. I can only hope to make a choice I don’t regret. But as all parties think it’s a good idea for you to become a larger part of our lives, why the hell should I not let you come over whenever you want? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how fate plays out.’

A stunned silence followed my spontaneous speech, and I was already regretting letting my mouth run off without knowing what was going to come out. It was completely unlike me to fall into a Shakespearian soliloquy, and I felt a dull embarrassment at doing such a ridiculous thing. But after all the talk of not making choices that I won’t regret, I couldn’t cowardly retreat and take it all back. Well fuck.

But Eren didn’t make any comments, giving an enigmatic smile and stepping out into the bitter night air with a final goodbye. His padded feet tapped softly against the hard driveway, and pretty soon it became impossible to distinguish between his dark locks and the sky that surrounded him. We all watched as the door slowly closed, narrowing our view of the retreating figure until he completely disappeared from sight.

I could tell Mikasa was about to lecture me for being rude and insensitive, but thankfully Armin took the role of my guardian angel by insistently tugging her away to another room. He sent a sympathetic grin my way as they turned a corner, knowing what would have happened if he hadn’t intervened. Bless the kid.

When I felt Erwin’s presence right behind me, I slowly turned around and stared up into his sharp gaze, feeling my mouth morph into something that resembled a smirk. Even though Eren had already left, my mind was still teeming with thoughts of knowing smiles, challenging eyes and unknown secrets. The briefest flash of devilish pride, like the product of all seven sins crushed and infused with each other had appeared before me. It wasn’t just threatening; it was evil. It was dark and twisted, with all the resentment I would have expected in someone repressed the way he was. For only a moment, I thought I had witnessed a glimpse of Dante’s Inferno, the sulphuric surface of smoking coals glinting in the depth of his ocean-like eyes. Eren Jaeger. Eren. _Eren._

So then I made my decision.

‘Erwin, I don’t care what you need to do, what laws you need to break or who you have to piss off; find out everything you possibly can about Eren.’ I demanded, stepping closer so our bodies were almost touching. My words revealed the sheer intensity of my curiosity, and I didn’t care that I sounded as though I had been possessed by an inquisitive demon drawing sustenance from the prying of my chosen victim. Perhaps I was, because I had never before felt what I did that night.

‘What gave you that change of heart?’ Erwin asked, his own cunning mirth evident in his sharply contoured face.

‘Please, how can I resist?’

‘Things are going to get a lot more interesting.’ He remarked, stepping back leading the way to the lounge.

At least we both agreed on something.


	7. Cracked tiles and Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's musings, basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter in just Levi thinking, but it is kind of important to the story, so please bear with me. Also, I've hardly read over this chapter, so if there are any horrible mistakes, please leave a comment and I'll try to fix it.

I continued to see Eren around the school for the rest of the week, also having him over at our house a few times after being enticed by either Mikasa or Armin. I think they went to Armin’s house once, but since his Grandfather wasn’t the wealthiest man in our suburb and their house couldn’t comfortably accommodate many people, the Ackerman residence naturally became their unofficial meeting place.

Slowly, I began noticing more things about Eren that I was oblivious to for many years. Like whom his favourite teachers were, or the select few people he would cast small smiles at when passing them in the corridors, such as Hanji and that Mina girl in our English class

Although there were many differences between Eren and Mina, there were also many similarities. They both mostly kept to themselves, filling their isolation with school work and literature. Based on the novels usually clutched under her arms, I had the impression of her being somewhat of a romantic and idealist. She certainly wasn’t an extrovert like many girls her age, preferring to wear modest clothing and keeping her long ebony hair in loose pigtails at the base of her neck. Mina always had a kind demeanour, with soft features and a friendliness I found rare at our school. I may not have known her personally, but she was definitely one of those people I’d have expected to succeed later in life, but never flaunting her achievements to others, always being humble and collected; someone that would make a great friend and an ideal shoulder to cry on.

But I also knew she was being bullied.

From what I could gather through broken conversations and distant rumours, the harassment she was being put under wasn’t so much physical, but brutal on social media. Our school once had an incursion about cyber bullying, and I saw the girl sneak out of the room with her face covered by shaking hands. I found some screenshots of conversations between students aimed solely at humiliating and paining the girl on Facebook and Twitter, but never stopped to properly read them. I don’t really know why I kept trying to avoid those realities surrounding Mina. Maybe I didn’t want to recognize what was happening through the internet, so I could continue to lead a comfortable life unconcerned with modern day tragedies. Or even more sickeningly, perhaps I had grown so used to seeing people reveal their sadistic sides and finding wicked pleasure in the anguish of others, that I had become desensitized to the happenings of our school.

Just like Eren, she was only another nobody that filled in the insignificant hum of school life.

But after everything that happened between Eren and myself, the way I perceived these wallflowers began to change; they became something more – a person. I began to see them as a living, breathing being like myself, with emotion, thoughts, beliefs, dreams, and everything else that makes someone alive.

It seemed that unwillingly, Eren changed the way I saw the world around.

‘Hey Levi! Why aren’t you listening to me?’

Startled out of my musings, I looked beside me to see Hanji with a childish pout, making small whining noises like a starving puppy made to watch as I ate all its food. I huffed in exasperation, taking a long drink of my water as I scanned the school cafeteria. It was just the same as always, unchanging and eternally dull. The fact that I got so painfully bored of normality was a fact I became aware of at an early age, and had caused a lot of trouble for both myself and my family when I tried introducing a little change to life’s routine. Admittedly, it may not have been the best decision to get a teacher fired, just to see what would happen. Oh well, at least I got some enjoyment out of it.

‘I don’t listen to you because you never make any sense when you start talking about science crap.’

‘It’s not crap, Grumpy! Just because you can’t keep up doesn’t mean I don’t make sense.’ She flung her hands up in defeat before squirting orange juice into her mouth like a reverse fountain. She swashed the drink around her mouth as though a connoisseur appreciating good wine, before slowly swallowing and letting out a satisfied breath. She couldn’t even have a drink without making a big deal about it. Classic Shitty glasses.

I chose to ignore her absurdities and drifted my attention off to the outskirts of the large hall. One wall was lined with tall panels of glass that revealed a dark sky and clouds that looked like a charcoal drawing someone had deliberately dragged their fingers across. Earlier in the day when I had the misfortune of being outside the comfort of electric heaters, the frigid wind that bit at whatever skin that was exposed through the multiple layers of black clothing I was bundled up in fore-told the promise of a strong storm. I could tell by the particular scent drifting on the wind that we would be hit by lots of rain, too. Mikasa would probably complain, but I had no qualms with it, so long as I had a shelter over my head. I’d be pretty fucking pissed if I were caught in that kind of weather otherwise.

I once tried counting all the perfect square tiles that lined the walls of the cafeteria, but gave up because of how mundane it was. I don’t even remember why I tried in the first place. It was just an eternal repetition of the same, uniform, identical things. A lot like people, really. Products of a commercialized society that demands conformity to a set idea of perfection; where artificiality was expected, originality dead, moral independence squandered, and life sucked dry.

Except for the occasional tiles chipped, cracked, or shattered.

Maybe that was why Eren was so different.

As soon as the realisation came to me, I saw a familiar set of gold and brown hair appear at the entrance to the cafeteria. And just like that, something I though was impossible – an urban legend never to be seen – materialised only a mere few meters away from me. Perhaps it was a wishful hallucination, or something I only convinced myself that I saw when in reality there was nothing.

Eren Jaeger was there, standing in Maria high school’s cafeteria like an exotic creature placed in the dark back streets of London for a show to a crowd of spectators. Because Eren never showed himself at breaks; he never socialised; never lowered himself to the normality that was school life. And yet, he was there.

It appeared that I wasn’t the only one to have noticed this.

One by one, people that were previously chatting over their meals began turning their heads to the entrance and stared slack-jawed at the individual gracing their presence. Because who would have predicted that a day would come when someone believed to dissipate into stale air during lunch break would willingly come to the most crowded location in the entire school, even if he seemed to be held in place by the blonde kid by his side. Armin had an arm wrapped firmly around Eren’s waist, face held close to the other and whispering what may have been assurances at him. But whatever he was saying didn’t seem to be enough, for Eren’s skin looked pallid and drained of blood. Even from that distance I could see the frantic way his eyes jerked around in their sockets as though trying to assess the new environment he was placed in for potential threats; and there were many. Because to him, every human was capable of disloyalty, pain and betrayal. Anyone he chose to trust could end up being his downfall, and he would most likely be able to do nothing to stop it from happening. I had trouble imagining a future where he was free of the fears he faced constantly, too lost in his suspicion and cynicism to believe that anyone was truly going to stay with him.

Perhaps he had come to this conclusion himself, or was unable to handle the sheer level of fear, for he seemed to rapidly whisper something to Armin before shaking his friend off and sprinting out of the room. Armin called out his name, and seemed torn between what to do, but pretty quickly settled on chasing after Eren.

For barely a few seconds, a stunned silence fell over whoever had witnessed the incident, having trouble comprehending what had just happened. Finally, they all started chattering loudly about the unexpected presence, already brewing rumours to spread around the following day. No doubt today’s events would be blown up and mutated into something extreme and unrealistic, but hey, that’s high school.

‘That was Eren, right?’ I heard Hanji ask in a level, concerned tone, much too serious for her usual self. I looked back over at her and saw her gazing over at the spot we saw Eren standing at last, and I understood she must have been as surprised as I was at what just happened. ‘He never comes here. Not even when I invited him to sit with me.’

‘Does he stay away from here because of how many people there are?’ I ask just loud enough for her to hear. Although I was sure the rest of my squad wouldn’t have minded joining in, I felt this was a conversation to be kept between us.

Hanji hummed in agreement, furrowing her brows in contemplation. ‘Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s why. He told me once that when he’s in a crowded room, he gets really nervous and has trouble breathing, like he’s being crushed by the overwhelming presence of, well, people, I guess.’

‘So he has social anxiety?’

‘Most likely. But I wouldn’t make any definite assumptions just yet. I’m pretty sure Eren is the type to get annoyed at being stereotyped or having things assumed about him.’

I had to agree with her on that. Although Eren never objected to being labelled as something, I could tell he wasn’t pleased by it either. Whenever anyone said something like ‘Jaeger must prefer being a recluse than go outside and make friends or something,’ I would see him purse his lips and a muscle twitch on his temple. Other than that, he was pretty good at keeping his emotions in check.

‘I wonder if he’s okay. He looked really frightened.’ Hanji murmured, turning back to face her tray with a pointed look as though lost in her own thoughts.

‘Well why didn’t you go after him then, if you’re so damn worried about the brat.’

‘Armin already did, and like you told me on Monday, I don’t think it would do him any good to be surrounded by too many people. It’s probably best for him and Armin to be alone for now.’ Hanji sighed dejectedly, seemingly having lost her appetite as she nudged her food away.

Somehow, I felt a little disappointed at her answer, as though I had been looking for an excuse to go after the kid.

Weird.

* * *

 

Exactly as I had predicted, the town of Trost was assaulted by the worst storm of the season.

After the initial few drops of rain that began to fall as I neared my home, a sudden onset of bullet-like drops beat down on the Earth as though it had a vengeance against it. It was almost miraculous how I just managed to avoid the volatile weather, ducking through the front door without getting too wet. For a while I just stood at the entrance, marvelling at the drastic assault to each of my senses. The enticing smell of fresh rain, hazy blur that shielded my sight, drumming hum of rapid rain drops, humid coolness that made the hairs rise on my arms, and the tingling feeling on my tongue as I remembered the days where I would run outside and hang my mouth open, welcoming each drop that nourished my parched skin. I would be scolded by mum, but in the end I didn’t really care. I think she understood as well that to me, those rare moments where I could let myself go and simply enjoy the force of nature with my whole body was something I cherished, for it eased my sense of insignificance and hatred for the world.

After I closed the door and fully entered the empty house, I sat before a window that faced the street, simply watching the hazy image of the front yard distort from the streaming water trickling down the glass. The pavement warped and the dark sky collapsed around the edges, falling to meet the world beneath it.

For as long as I could remember, I’ve loved rain. Mikasa would get in a bad mood, secluding herself in a closed room until the clouds cleared up. But I would always feel oddly serene when the heavens poured all its gathered tears for us humans. Perhaps I thought it was weeping for our imminent doom, and gave me consolation.

Morbid, but I was always a gloomy kid.

It never happened with the half-assed drizzle of autumn, but the hard-hitting storms gave me the illusion that the world shrunk from its cosmic enormity to however many square meters made up my house. I’d picture the land past the front yard dropping off to an endless abyss, and myself being the only living organism in the world. As my universe condensed, I filled a larger portion of it, making me feel empowered and significant. I was no longer a mere speck of dust, rather a force to be reckoned with. All that mattered to me during those moments were the thrumming of water and the slow, even sound of my own breathing.

I had received a text from Mikasa before leaving school, telling me that she was staying over at Armin’s house to finish a project. It wasn’t at all unusual for them to make last-minute decisions about staying over at one another’s house. They both kept a few sets of clothes and toiletries at both houses, so there were never any issues regarding that. After knowing each other for so long, they were comfortable enough to share a bed as well, so we didn’t need to keep the guest room ready all the time, though I always made sure to keep every room in the house orderly, or it would unsettle my conscience.

Kenny was still on a business trip on the other side of the country, so he wouldn’t be back for a while longer. His occupation wasn’t exactly something I could tell anyone carelessly, because I learned pretty quickly that it wasn’t perfectly legal.

I used to wonder why even though they grew up in almost the same situations, while my mother found herself of the brink of starvation, Kenny had somehow managed to build something of an empire for himself. I had only ever personally met a few of his co-workers, but all of them looked somewhat shandy and certainly weren't people you would like to cross in an empty alleyway. He never told me any specifics, but when Kenny explained what he did to me, I basically got the impression that when powerful people wanted to pressure someone into doing something or keeping quiet, Kenny was the go-to for dirty jobs like that. I was never told the means by which he accomplished this, but after every 'meeting,' nothing unwanted happened then on. Kenny had chuckled happily when he said to me, 'what can I say? I'm just a convincing guy.' Not to mention the pay was beyond good. I didn’t know the exact number, but I’m certain Kenny had a ridiculous amount of money stashed away somewhere. Not that you would guess it from our appearance, though. Unlike the rick pricks of Beverly Hills that flaunt their wealth, our family chose to be modest with our fortune, owning just enough commercial luxuries to live comfortably by our standards. And anyway, Kenny was strictly against raising spoilt kids, and had taught us to earn what we wanted ourselves. Neither Mikasa nor I had any complaints.

It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that there was no need for mum to work, but she insisted that she didn’t want to become baggage for Kenny, and wanted to dispel any assumptions anyone may have that she was a trophy wife, so also worked hard to contribute to the family. And it wasn’t improbable that someone may come to that conclusion, as my mother was a beautiful woman. Not only was she rather young to be a mother of two adolescent kids, her lithe physique and fair Asian complexion earned her many cat-calls and wolf whistles, to which she would click her tongue and have to restrain both her kids from beating the men half to death.

One of the few things both Kuchel and Kenny firmly agree upon, was that mum wasn’t some property for Kenny to lead by the arm and show off to his colleagues. It always infuriated her that some women were willing to degrade themselves to material worth and obediently wait at home to feed, clean and fuck their husbands when they were most likely banging some young intern at the office. No, Kuchel was stronger than that. She was better than that.

That’s why despite her considerable disadvantage, Kuchel studied at night school vigorously until finally she received her qualifications as a nurse and now worked demanding hours at an abortion clinic, helping other women who were faced with the same decision as she did, on whether to keep their child or not.

Even though Kuchel had chosen to keep me, she respected the decisions of women who did otherwise. I once asked whether she ever regretted having me, and after a while of brooding she openly said that although there were times when life would have been easier if she never became a mother, the reward greatly outweighed the cost, so she would always choose having me if faced with the same situation.

‘And anyway,’ she had added, a coy smirk playing at her lips. ‘Kenny would be hopeless without me, so what difference does it make if I have an extra man or two to look after?’

Knowing that mum was going to come home sometime in the early hours of the morning, I decided to prepare something for her to eat when she returned. I wasn’t much of a cook, so I prepared a simple egg sandwich with a liberal amount of lettuce, wrapped it in plastic and left it in the fridge with a note of welcome.

When I cleaned the kitchen counter to my pristine standards, I returned to my position by the window, noting how the general haze had darkened with the setting sun. If anything, the rain seemed to have intensified, and didn’t hint at easing any time soon.

Not that I was complaining.

I thought I saw a blur of black flitter across the street, but wrote it off as a trick of the light. The therapeutic sounds produced by the rain slowly began to lull me to sleep, but I was broken out of my doze by a shrill buzz of the electric doorbell ringing through the house. The silence that followed was short-lived, for almost immediately it rang again, the invasive noise grinding on my ears.

Growling at whoever dared to disturb my peace – ready to scream bloody murder if it was a ding dong ditch – I begrudgingly stomped over to the front door. I swung it open, ready to confront the guest with unrestrained hostility, but didn’t even get the first word out before being silenced by the sight before me.

Much like he had at the cafeteria entrance, Eren stood stiffly on our front porch, shaking violently with arms gripping his sides in a vain attempt to conserve body heat. His natural tan was replaced with a chalky white tone, save for the red rimming his wet eyes and purple-tinted lips. His long straggly hair was plastered to his face, every strand having multiple beads of water clinging and dripping from them.

I stood there dumbly, trying and failing to comprehend what Eren Jaeger was doing at my front door looking like a half-drowned puppy.

What the actual fuck was happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not pleased with this chapter. oh well.


	8. Warm and Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren safe from the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have FINALLY come back after surviving the exam season! After about six attempts, I have edited this chapter to a decent standard, though not much happens. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things and update more consistently. Maybe. We'll see.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has stuck around so far!

‘H-hi, Levi.’

Eren stuttered out through his chattering teeth, something that was probably supposed to resemble a smile forcibly bending his lips. I didn’t reply, too preoccupied with figuring out what force of nature caused these absurd turn of events. Eren seemed a little uncomfortable at my silence, his smile faltering as he rubbed his wet arms in a vain attempt to regain some warmth.

‘Um, c-can I-I come in…?’

Finally breaking out of my stunned trance, I stepped out of the way to let Eren stumble inside, safe from the raging storm still beating down at full-force. He nodded thankfully at me as I shut the door behind him, encasing us in the reassuring silence of an empty house, only disturbed by the erratic breathing coming from Eren. His clothes were completely sodden and flecked with mud – something that made my nose scrunch in annoyance – and his hair was plastered against his face, obscuring his expression from me. I noted with no little alarm that his lips had taken on a blue-ish tint, indicating the effects of the winter storm on him.

I noticed a puddle of water gathering by Eren’s feet, and I cringed at it distastefully. I ordered the kid to not move and rushed to the bathroom, gathering an armful of towels and returning to the entrance where I was pleased to see that my demand was followed. Unceremoniously dumping half the towels over Eren’s body, I threw the rest to the ground to soak up the water. I heard a muffled ‘thanks’ from Eren but only grunted in reply, rubbing the towels over his shivering body with perhaps a little too much force, but I was never one for formalities. The kid didn’t seem to overly mind, so who was I to care?

Once I was satisfied that he wasn’t a walking, talking Niagara Falls, I ordered him to remove his muddy shoes and leave them by the door, then dragged Eren into the lounge where I sat him on the couch, giving him time to huddle deeper into the cushions while I cranked the heater to the max. It would probably only take twenty minutes or so for the house to become like the pits of hell, but I had no shits to give when I saw the way Eren burrowed himself in the cocoon of soft fabric I had provided. His entire body was still violently shaking, and I could hear the clattering of his teeth from the other side of the room. I wondered what would have happened to him had I not been home, but immediately shut out the images of him curled under a park bench with his blue lips, or huddled in the shadows of a shop’s backdoor as he tried to fight off the symptoms of hypothermia. They were mental intrusions I was not willing to accommodate.

I was so tempted to demand him to tell me exactly what had happened and why he was in that state, but apparently sensing the barrage on the tip of my tongue as I marched up to him, Eren reached out a trembling hand and grasped the tip of my shirt sleeve, a pair of ocean deep eyes pleading silently for mercy. It took an idiot not to see how shaken up he was at the time, with a wretched vulnerability that would have had a lesser man weeping in his stead. Despite not knowing the actual circumstances of the situation, I was without a doubt that he had just been inflicted some emotional scars, and all I could do at the time was do my best to prevent an infection from taking hold in his weaknesses.

He looked so fucking young, like one of those brats who were barely more than a toddler but possessed a cruel wisdom forced on him from the pains of life, made to skip childhood and plunge head-first into maturity. But at the same time he resembled an ancient gargoyle; someone made to watch forlornly as the likes of man corrupted a world meant to be shared, as his body became infested with moss and his strength chipped away with each generation of frosty wind. Eren was everything he should not have been; just a victim to an eternity of baseless pain.

If I was anything like a romantic, I may have been tempted to kiss his sorrow away.

Instead, I took his offered hand after a moment of contemplation and wordlessly led him out of the room, through the house to the bathroom I had just raided for towels and nudged him inside, noting his look of uncertainty at my ministration. ‘You’re going to get sick if you don’t have a shower and warm yourself up.’ I leant my hip against the doorframe as I regarded him coolly, making clear that this was not up for discussion. ‘There are soaps and shampoos on the rack, towels over there, and I’ll leave some clothes for you to change into outside the door. Call me if you need anything.’ Before he had the opportunity to refuse my offer I turned my back and closed the door between us. I waited a minute until I heard the water running, sighing in relief as I went to my room in search of something for Eren to wear.

Just as I had promised I returned with a long sleeved shirt and black sweatpants, which I suspected may have been too short for him, but was the only one I found that could have stayed up on his narrow hips. As I placed them neatly by the door, I carefully listened to the noises coming from inside and noted the lack of change in the continual drumming of water against tiles. Normally there would have been some sloshing or brief disturbances in the rhythmic noise, so I could guess at his lack of activity. Occasionally I registered something that may have been a sniffle or a muffled sob, but nothing that obviously indicated crying. I pictured that he was standing motionless under the water, allowing the droplets to run down his skin as he ignored the tears that mingled with them. I wondered as I moved away if it was any consolation to him that he was inside instead of out, and he was being drenched in warm water rather than the biting rain of the storm. Did he feel any safer in my presence, or was it no different being with me or being alone outside? What was I to him - Just an extension of the two friends he had gained, or something more? I cursed my own thoughts and waited in the lounge for the water to stop.

After about twenty minutes during which the heater had warmed the room to an almost uncomfortable temperature, I heard the bathroom door open and with the soft padding of feet Eren emerged from on open doorway, a towel hanging loosely from his shoulders to catch any water droplets. As I had suspected, the pants barely reached his knobbly ankles, but everything else seemed a few sizes too large, dangling like sheets from his pointed structure. A large portion of his sharp collar bones protruded from beneath the neck of the shirt, and when he twisted his body slightly I could easily make out the outline of ribs. What the fuck had the kid done to himself to get like that?

He looked significantly calmer than when he first arrived, but somehow that didn’t put me at ease. Instead of anything resembling peacefulness, all I could register in his tired face was an aloof indifference that could only be attributed to too many nights spent muffling cries, and too much practise in the art of toughening up skin to shield away from pain. The pointed disinterest he expressed was more concerning than if he had collapsed at my feet in a fit of broken sobs.

When he timidly sat on the same couch as me, I noted he did a pretty shit job at drying his hair as I could clearly see a steady fall of water dripping from the individual strands. Huffing in exasperation, I shuffled closer and took the towel from his neck and began roughly patting his hair, eliciting a surprised if tired yelp from the kid. He calmed down quickly when he realised my harmless act, even leaning towards me as I continued passing my hands over the shaggy strands of brunette locks darkened my moisture. Once it was sufficiently dry, I abandoned the towel and began passing my fingers through the stands, manually releasing any knots as I didn’t feel like getting up to find a brush. A few times I thought I heard Eren softly hum as my fingers worked across his scalp, but I thought nothing of it. I barely noticed the satisfied smirk that had formed on my lips.

Combined with my actions and the general heat of the room, Eren’s hair became dry and soft pretty quickly, and I marvelled at how it shone and sifted effortlessly through my grasp. It was the nicest I had ever seen it, and I noted that he smelt faintly of roses, meaning he must have used Kuchel’s shampoo. I wondered whether he did that out of preference, or he simply didn’t see the bottle of hair product labelled ‘Men’s shampoo’ placed right next to it. Either way, I felt the floral scent was somehow fitting for his soft persona.

Realising that I had just spent a few minutes creepily running my fingers through his hair, I retracted my hand and moved back to my position on the couch, though significantly closer to him than before. The long hair that fell forwards framed his somehow delicate features, which seemed softer and less fearful in my lounge. It was a strong contrast to the discomfort that was evident the first time he came over, and I was somewhat relieved that he had a place where he didn’t have to be scared all the time. I still couldn’t fully gage why this was important to me – I was never pleased when someone became a frequent visitor to my house – but somehow, Eren was different.

‘You alright?’ I asked, – a question I felt should have been asked much earlier – flickering my eyes to see Eren’s reaction.

I received no answer at first, but was relieved when I saw a slight nod of his head in confirmation. Not that I was convinced, though. I could tell that he was still somewhat distraught, exhausted from whatever happened that night before he stumbled to my house. I wondered if perhaps he had accidentally locked himself out of his home with no way of getting in, and there was nowhere else he could go but here. Although that theory left the question of why there wasn’t anyone there at that time of night, I had trouble fathoming any alternative that didn’t put me at unease. But still, I wasn’t going to pressure the kid into sharing anything he didn’t want to.

Before I could say anything else, a distinct rumble rang from Eren’s stomach like an animal’s threatening growl. I raised an eyebrow at the kid who turned a comical shade of red, and didn’t bother to supress my snort when the noise was repeated.

‘Alright brat. I think it’s time for our dinner.’ I said while standing up, making my way to the kitchen with Eren scrambling after me.

‘No, really it’s okay. You don’t have to bother getting me anything to eat.’

‘Well I haven’t eaten since lunch, so whether you eat or not, I’m making something. It would make no difference how many portions I make.’

Eren finally conceded, and didn’t try to stop me as I walked around the room to make some sandwiches. As expected, he offered to help me with anything, but I sent him a warning glare that shut him up. I didn’t mean to scare him, but I wished he would for once just let me do something right for him.

I prepared meals similar to what I made for Kuchel, which we ate in relative silence at the kitchen bench. We could probably both tell that his sandwich had almost double my filling, glistening with mayonnaise and stray pieces of egg falling out the edges, but neither of us made any comment about it. While I was preparing them I made no conscious decision to do so, but while I was thinking of how frail he seemed under my clothes, some distant protective side of me must have thought it would be a good idea to feed him as many calories as possible whenever I could. I also had the feeling he wouldn’t dare waste anything I specially made for him, so it wasn’t likely for there to be a better opportunity than this.

‘Alright,’ I began once we had finished our meals, gaining his full attention. ‘It’s way too late for you to even think of going home, so you’ll be staying in the guest bedroom tonight.’ Clearly he was about to object, but I had no intention of listening to him decline my offer. So, I leant forward and pressed the palm of my hand against his mouth to smother any words. Somewhere in the back of my mind I noted how soft his lips felt against my palm, but that thought was immediately stamped down before it could manifest into something more.

Startled at the sudden contact, Eren’s eyes widened immensely, but I pointedly stared at him to hold his attention. ‘Look, I don’t know what made you come here in the middle of the fucking night, but there is no way I’m going to let you go back now. The guest room is always prepared, and there aren’t any grounds for you to refuse. Eren, this isn’t an offer.’

Clearly my attempt at being persuasive wasn’t very affective, as Eren didn’t seem convinced. Wavering, but not quite there. So I changed tactics.

‘Eren,’ I said in a small whisper, making it sound somewhat pleading. ‘Please. I need to know you’re safe.’

My change in approach seemed to work, as Eren finally dropped his gaze and nodded his head in defeat. Satisfied with the result, I retracted my hand and stood up with a triumphant smirk, tapping Eren’s shoulder to indicate for him to follow. I led the way to the warmed guest bedroom where I opened the door for the brat, and waited as he settled down on the bed with no little trepidation. He still looked unsure of himself, but crawled under the sheets none the less. The room itself was bland but practical, and I felt a little sorry for the kid that I couldn’t provide accommodation that was more comforting and didn’t have the lifelessness of a hospital room. The placement of all the furniture was perfectly symmetrical, and everything was in monotone shades of grey. I passingly thought to add a vase of flowers or dotting the room with arbitrary ornaments to make it appear more lived-in, perhaps even letting Eren leave some of his own belonging there if he decided to stay over more frequently.

The dim lights streaming in through the open door illuminated the tense outline of Eren’s body, and his small form seemed to be swallowed up by the broad expanse of the bed.

After deciding he was as settled as he could be in that situation, I slowly began to close the door, and I knew we were both watching critically as our view of each other was slowly limited, until only a sliver of my face could be seen, and all that was visible in the darkness was his almost luminescent eyes peering back at me.

‘Night, brat,’ I murmured through the crack, knowing fully well that my voice was carried across the room with nothing but the hum of the heater to compete with it to be heard.

‘Good night, Levi.’ Eren whispered back, his voice already being lost in the realm of dreams.


	9. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long to update, but I ran out of motivation sometime before Christmas and hadn't felt up to writing for a while. However, I do have the draft for the next few chapters ready, so I should be able to publish them gradually. However, I am about to dive into my last year of high school, so studying will take priority over writing - saddening though that is - so I cannot guarantee that the updates will be at all consistent. 
> 
> Just a warning, but there is a mention of self-harm in this chapter, so if that is a trigger for you, please be careful.
> 
> Thank you to all those who have left comments and kudos, they really do wonders to feed my motivation to keep going.
> 
> Enjoy!

The sun had barely begun to rise over the suburban horizon when my bedroom door slowly creaked open, causing me to stir from my dreamless slumber. I didn’t open my eyes to check who it was, as I recognized the soft steps and subtle waft of perfume that reached me when a weight pressed down on my mattress.

Soon nimble fingers were being combed through my hair, and I allowed for a moment of indulgence by pressing my head into the offered palm. Normally I would have adamantly refused such behaviour, but in my sleep-dazed state I didn’t bother holding up pretences. My room was colder than was ideal, but the warmth coming from the body beside me made it bearable.

‘Levi,’ Kuchel whispered, her voice soft and comforting like a distant lullaby from my childhood. ‘Who is the boy in the guestroom?'

I groaned at the memory of the enigmatic events from the previous night, and tried to stubbornly shy away from the queries by curling into a ball. Kuchel chuckled softly at my childish behaviour, but continued running her fingers through my hair. ‘Come on, Levi. Answer me.’

When I finally squinted my eyes open I was met with the dark interior or my room, then after I had adjusted to the lack of light, I focused on my mother’s tired expression gazing down at me. There were clear bags protruding slightly from under her eyes, and the evident fatigue seemed to age her, making the light creases on her face stand out more than usual. She wasn’t sleeping enough. It concerned me to no end that she was over-working herself, despite all of our efforts to help her. It seemed my insomnia was something I inherited from Kuchel, because she had just as much trouble sleeping as me, if not more so. We once convinced her to have sleep medication prescribed, but she complained that she couldn’t concentrate at work, thus rejected our efforts completely. Instead, I invested some of my money into herbal teas, which seemed to help a little, though not significantly.

‘Are you really going to ignore me?’ She asked with a quirk in her tone, and suddenly I felt my ear being harshly twisted. Well there went my post-sleep comfort, right out the fucking window without so much as a mocking good-bye. ‘Hey, at least tell me he was invited. Or is he just some intruder that decided to stroll in and sleep in my house?’

‘Oh he’s just the local drug dealer I fucked in exchange for crack.’ I grumbled into the cushions, rubbing the tender skin of my abused ear.

‘Well, I suppose I should go and greet him then. Maybe I can buy something for myself as well.’ She stated teasingly, at which I threw the doona off my shoulders, staring at my mother with incredulity. Kuchel, for her part, began to sit up with a coy smile playing at her lips. ‘I haven’t had marijuana for a while. I wonder if he’ll accept head for payment.’

‘ _Mum!_ ’ I flailed out of the tangled sheets, tripping over myself in an attempt to block the doorway. ‘For fuck’s sake, I don’t need to hear that from my own parent first thing in the morning!’

‘Well I gave you the choice of answering honestly. And thank you for calling me “Mum” for the first time in a decade.’ She crossed her arms smugly, leaning against the wall in an act of defiance. ‘And anyway, I was a whore for half my life. Do you honestly think I’m going to blush like a virgin talking about blowjobs and drugs?’

‘Just _stop_.’ I groaned, nudging my head against Kuchel’s shoulder, who just laughed and held me to her. ‘He’s not a drug dealer.’ I confessed, having calmed down from the mortification of the disturbing imagery. ‘The brat’s Eren Jaeger; Mikasa’s new friend.’

I felt Kuchel stiffen at the mention of Eren’s name, and I drew myself back so she could look me straight in the eyes. Not finding any deceitfulness in my gaze, she slowly pulled away and walked us back to bed. We both slowly dropped onto the sheets, lying down so we were huddled in close confidence.

‘Levi,’ Kuchel began in a more collected tone, her thumb brushing against the skin behind my ear. ‘I want you to tell me everything that happened.’

So that’s what I did.

* * *

I waited by the doorframe when Kuchel lightly knocked on the guestroom door before stepping inside, immediately being faced by Eren who was already sitting upright on the mattress, rubbing tiredly at the corners of his eyes beneath the messy mop of hair that stood up at fictional angles. I chuckled at how small he looked on the bed, like a child that had snuck in beside his parents after having a bad dream. But once he seemed to notice that he had a visitor, Eren immediately tensed up and brought his knees to his chest, eyeing Kuchel with weary suspicion.

Apparently having recognised the brat’s apprehension, Kuchel eased her expression to a gentle smile, kneeling beside the bed to appear as least threatening as possible. ‘Good morning, Eren. My name is Kuchel Ackerman. I’m Levi’s mother.’

Eren nodded slowly, trailing his bright gaze from Kuchel, to me, then back again. ‘…Hello. I’m Eren Jaeger. It’s nice to meet you.’ He said quietly, offering a thin hand in greeting.

Kuchel shook his hand, seemingly pleased with his manners. ‘It’s very nice to meet you too, Eren.’ She motioned to the space beside him, asking for permission to sit. Once it was granted she slid next to the kid, keeping her movements slow and easy to follow. ‘Now,’ she began, casting a pointed stare my way. ‘I hope Levi hasn’t been too horrible of a host to you. I’m sorry to say that I must have failed somewhere with his parenting, seeing as he lacks basic etiquette when it comes to things such as this.’

‘No…’ Eren murmured, gaining the attention of both myself and my mother, effectively interrupting the harsh retort ready on my tongue. ‘Levi has been very kind to me, so…’ Trailing off, he licked his dry lips and briefly glanced my way before averting his face. ‘I’m thankful to him.’

Naturally, my own mother had to look over at me to make sure she heard right, raising a thin eyebrow questioningly. I shrugged, suppressing my own surprise at what Eren had said. It was true that I probably didn’t act my worst the previous night, but I definitely wasn’t the most inviting host either. I basically threw blankets on him, dried his hair, fed him, forced him to take a shower and sent him to bed.

‘Well… I’m glad to hear that.’ Kuchel stated with trepidation, regaining her easy demeanour as she turned back to him. ‘Although this is all cosy and nice, I think it may be more appropriate if we move to the kitchen.’ With that she clasped Eren’s hand and pulled him up, pushing me ahead so the three of us shuffled along the polished floor to said room.

The curtains had been left open last night so we could see that outside was not much brighter than inside the house despite the morning hours, and I passingly noted that it would still take many weeks for the days to lengthen with the warming seasons.

Once the three of us emerged into the open lounge setting Kuchel finally let go of us, running her hand along the wall until she found the switch to flick on the fluorescent lights. When the room was suddenly flooded with light we all flinched, squinting until our eyes got used to the change.

But before anyone else could say anything, Eren had grabbed our attention by clearing his throat, fidgeting with his – my – clothes. ‘Um, thank you for letting me stay, but I really think I should be going home now.’

‘Is there someplace you need to be? At this hour?’ Kuchel asked, stealing a glance at the calendar to see that it was indeed Saturday.

‘No, but my… my mother is probably worried about me.’ I knew I wasn’t the only one that caught on to Eren’s hesitation, nor the worrying hitch in his voice at the woman’s mention, as my mother’s eyebrows furrowed at him for a moment before being smoothed out.

‘Okay then. But why don’t you sit down at the bar. I’ll prepare some breakfast for us. I’m sure a few minutes won’t make much of a difference.’ Already having stridden into the kitchen, Kuchel opened the cupboard doors so that she was obscured from our sight.

‘Oh no, you don’t have to. I usually don’t have breakfast anyway.’ Eren gushed out, completely oblivious to my subtle motions for him to shut up.

Too late.

With an ominously slow creak of its hinges, the cupboard doors closed to reveal a highly unamused Kuchel, already looking at him, her lips pressed into a thin line that I knew meant she was holding back an unpleasant statement. Resigned to what was about to happen, I patted Eren’s shoulder and sat myself at the bar to observe the coming spectacle.

With an eerily silent stealth, Kuchel glid across the tiles and firmly clasped Eren’ hand, directing him back and forcing him down on the stool next to me. It was clear that Eren was confused and somewhat fearful at the sudden change in behaviour, but remained silent until she leaned her thin arms against the bench on either side of him, effectively pinning him there.

‘Eren,’ Kuchel said after an extended silence. ‘Why do you not usually have breakfast?’

I could clearly see Eren’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed thickly, his startled orbs peeking through the sleep-tussled hair falling over his face. ‘I-I just, well, I usually don’t have time to, so…’ He stuttered, tripping over his words in his haste to answer the looming figure before him. But despite his efforts, I knew my mother would not be satisfied with that answer.

‘Would it kill you to wake up a little earlier so you can at least have something?’ Kuchel asked harshly, having lost her generous air and allowing the tough love I was used to possess her. ‘Levi told me you are intelligent, yes? Also that you work hard. So if you really want to get the most out of the time you spend at school, shouldn’t you take the adequate preparations to be able to function at your best, for both your teachers and your own sakes? Would a means of that not be to give yourself a decent breakfast to improve your cognitive abilities for the rest of the day?’

By then Eren looked terrified. I could tell from the way his gaze shook despite his evident concentration to steady them, and the painful clench of his fists on his knees. But there was something else there, that I had trouble putting a name to. Perhaps it was remorse, or a semblance of guilt. Was he feeling sorry to having admitted to skipping meals, or maybe regretting the fact that what my mother was saying made perfect sense, and indeed he may have been wasting the time of people other than himself? But none of those answers satisfied me, and I read in the creases of his frown that there was an alternative possibility, if a small one, that I was prepared to place my bets on.

‘Eren,’ I interrupted, gaining the attention of the two in front of me. ‘What’s the real reason you don’t eat breakfast?’

Both sets of eyes widened a fraction, boring into my own questioning gaze before Eren lowered his in shame. Kuchel seemed confused, returning her attention to the hunched kid. ‘Is that true, Eren? Was that a lie, that you don’t have time?’ The brat’s silence was enough of a confirmation, but we both waited until he nodded weakly anyway. ‘Why did you lie? It’s okay, you can tell us.’ Kuchel said in a softer tone, placing an encouraging hand on the crown of his head.

Finally caving in, Eren lifted himself up slightly and looked right into Kuchel’s eyes, as though pleading his truthfulness this time. ‘…Most days, I can’t afford to feed myself more than once a day, so…’ He eventually whispered, as though the mere mention of such a fact was blasphemous, and he waited to receive punishment for the admission.

However, none ever came.

It’s no stretch to guess why Kuchel had a soft spot for people who were under financial stress, after everything she had to live through in her youth. She was definitely the type to buy homeless people a proper meal and give them all the spare change she had on her, occasionally helping out at soup kitchens when she wasn’t on the verge of passing out from stress and sleep deprivation.

So I wasn’t in the least bit surprised as I watched her melt, a maternal worry and love filling her naturally cold eyes, the way she stood changing to a stance of protection, moving forward to envelope her frail arms around Eren’s even thinner frame. The kid seized up completely, stiff from the shock of being embraced by someone who was practically a stranger. But my mother was never overly keen on physical displays of affection so she let go soon, realised Eren’s discomfort and ducked down so they were of equal height. ‘Oh, Eren, I’m sorry I hugged you like that without asking if it was okay. I shouldn’t have done such a thing.’

‘N-no…’ Eren whispered again, easing back to a relaxed stance, and I was surprised when a bashful blush bloomed across his face, making his ears blare a bright pink. ‘It…’ He said with uncertainty, as though he were speaking a foreign language for the first time. ‘It was nice…’

Kuchel looked surprise, but smiled softly and with slow movements, once again gave him a long hug, this time more loving, warmer, and protective. It was strange how readily Eren seemed to be accepted by the Ackerman women, both of whom were known for their indifference and detachment from outsiders. And yet there Eren was, falling right into their awaiting arms – quite literally – and they seemed to have no qualms about it.

Somehow I found it an endearing sight.

After a while Kuchel once again let go, smiling down at him before finally stepping back to a more sociable distance. ‘Well,’ she began, looking between the two of us. ‘How about I make some breakfast for the three of us?’

‘Sounds good.’ I said, swivelling around so I was facing the bench. Kuchel rolled her eyes at me, but went about cooking something – I assumed it to be an omelette – while humming a soft tune. I glanced sideways to assess Eren, as he had yet to make a noise after the hug; only to find a single tear rolling down his flushed cheeks, his face frozen as though stupefied while still looking at the empty air my mother formerly occupied. Alarmed, I nudged him in his ribs, immediately snapping him out of his daze, making him look to me. ‘You alright?’ I murmured, trying to avoid drawing my mother’s attention.

It took Eren a few long minutes to reply, his lips slowly moving in rolling motions as though silently testing the words out. Suddenly his eyes were filled with a fresh gleam of moisture, exaggerating the viridian highlights, and I noticed the smallest flecks of gold and amber glinting around the iris, and he spoke with an absent tone, which seemed to also hold a note of reverence. ‘…She’s a mother…’

Puzzled at the obscure reply, I cocked an eyebrow at his odd state of wonder. ‘Yeah, I’m pretty sure Mikasa and I weren’t adopted.’

‘She’s a mother… She’s a mother…’ He repeated, new tear tracks forming on his tan cheeks. His lower lip began to tremble, and in that moment there was nothing but a striking vulnerability that finally rang true through the façade I was so used to. ‘Mother…’

Concluding that I wasn’t going to be able to understand the meaning behind his incessant words, I opted to grab his face and wipe at the new tears with the sleeve of my loose shirt, grunting when he tried to shy away. ‘Dammit, Eren. Stay still.’

While I had his head in my hands, Eren adamantly kept his eyes away from mine, though they repeatedly flickered back to Kuchel, following her movements with an almost desperate need to keep her in sight. I couldn’t help but notice how strained his calmness was; the way each shuddering breath he took eased his expression, but the depth of his eyes grew weaker and darker, and I knew that he was falling down the tunnel of his own mind, further and further away from whatever I could have done to save him.

I grit my teeth at how little I could do, only mopping up the escaping tears while this kid was forced to build himself back up alone. I wanted so badly to believe that each droplet that fell from those haunted eyes was releasing an ounce of his restrained pain; but that was too naïve to be at all comforting. I thought of a time back in my early teens when my inability to cry had led me to try releasing this liquid misery through other means, pressing razors against my flesh and picturing that the trickles of blood against my alabaster skin was releasing the pressure of inside, falling deeper and deeper into this fantasy of control until Erwin and Hanji had to force me out of it.

The sudden image of Eren in his bathroom with blades in his hand while cloaked in his own blood that assaulted my mind had goose-bumps rising on my skin, for it was so painfully _wrong_ , and I wondered torturously whether he had scars that matched mine under those daggy clothes of his.

It was made even worse when I realised that I would be more surprised if he didn’t, with the amount of shit he had to put up with already.

Not long after I managed to dry his eyes and Eren had regained a somewhat passable look of relaxed calm, Kuchel returned with individual plates of folded omelettes, flecks of chopped vegetables sticking out of the golden crust. She smiled contently when she saw the awed expression on Eren, who gazed longingly at the hearty meal set before us. Despite his evident hunger, Kuchel and I began eating first, as he spent a few seconds with his prayer before finally tucking in. When the first mouthful met his lips, I swear he made a noise fit for any porno, and while Kuchel tried covering her smile with her glass of water, I openly snickered and looked at him disbelievingly. But Eren didn’t seem to have noticed his shameless moan at my mother’s cooking, having resumed forking his breakfast into his mouth.

Kuchel and I exchanged light-hearted banters throughout the meal, though I couldn’t help my gaze from creeping back to the brat every few minutes, astounded and concerned at how unnoticeable Eren’s prior distress was now. He seemed content and even jovial, but I knew better than to fall for it, and that knowledge dulled my own enjoyment, though I refused to let it show.

Once I had finished my breakfast I got up and went to the sink to do the dishes, leaving the two to talk on their own.

Although I had my back turned on them, I heard their conversation as clear as if I were still sitting with them, but I purposefully took my time in doing my task to grant them some semblance of privacy.

‘How is the food, Eren?’ I heard Kuchel ask first, her tone pleased and easy-going.

‘It’s wonderful.’

‘I’m glad you like it. I wasn’t sure what your preference was, so I refrained from using any spices or herbs, other than the oregano.’

‘It’s perfect, Mrs Ackerman.’ Mum thanked him again, and for a while they were quiet. I was about to go back to them, judging that the conversation was over, when Kuchel resumed speaking, this time in a more collected but sympathetic tone.

‘Eren, if you ever need someplace to go to, or if you need help for anything – anything at all – please know that you are always welcome here. I may have not known you for very long at all, but I trust my children’s judgement, and my impression of you so far is very good. Also, I don’t want you skipping meals too often – at all, if possible – so feel free to come over whenever you want and share our food. We really have more than we could possibly eat ourselves, and it would do our budget no harm by having an extra mouth to feed. Armin comes over so often I’ve practically got three kids anyway.’ Kuchel trailed off with a chuckle, but was met by silence from her listener. There was a rustle, a scrape from a chair, and I heard her speak again in the tone she used to sooth me with as a child when I was kept awake by nightmares. ‘It’s okay, Eren. You don’t need to tell me anything if you don’t have to. You’re okay. It’s okay to cry. Just let it out, Eren. You’re safe. You’re safe with us.’

Unable to fight my curiosity any longer, I turned around and was met by the scene of Eren with his face buried against my mother’s neck, small tremors shaking his shoulders, and mum slowly caressing his hair in languid strokes. The walls had evidently collapsed, and with it Eren’s ability to hold in those weeps for whatever mercy he could grasp. Kuchel kept repeating those words, even when our eyes met and she conveyed everything she wanted to as good as if they were spoken, demanding answers as to why Eren was so broken, and why he was hurting the way he was. But unfortunately I had no answers then, so I shook my head to indicate that. My mother frowned, but kept up her soothing actions, placing a small kiss to Eren’s temple before whispering in his ear just loud enough for me to hear as well;

‘You’re safe here, Eren. You’re safe with us.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we finally see a little more into Eren's life. Woo hoo!


	10. I'll take you home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi walks Eren home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of rambling in this chapter, but I was overdue to update so here it is. Enjoy my word vomit. We see the picket fence!

The weather had settled down considerably, so as Eren and I walked down a wet pavement occasionally dotted with puddles, the only thing we had to complain about was the frigid wind that bit at our exposed skin. From the corner of my eye I could see Eren’s cheeks and nose flushed a bright rose colour, but he didn’t seem to be overly conscious about it. He wore the ragged clothes he came to my house in, only this time it was freshly cleaned and dried, thus more appropriate for the season.

After the whole fiasco with Kuchel and the spontaneous crying, Eren became overly bashful and embarrassed, stuttering out numerous apologies, all of which were rebuked by my mother. She comforted him by saying that it was perfectly okay to feel upset, and she would always be willing to lend a shoulder to cry on – which only made him tear up again. I began to get the impression that Eren was the type that once the flood gates come down, it was ridiculously hard to build them up again. But for the moment he seemed to be doing okay, though he was clearly too absorbed in his thoughts to be aware of his surroundings.

‘Hey, wake up.’ I clicked my fingers in front of his face, startling him hard enough to miss a step and barely manage to stay vertical. I snickered at the startled eyes that were directed at me, allowing a coy smirk to slip onto my lips. ‘You’ll walk into a pole if you don’t look where you’re going.’

‘Wouldn’t you stop me before that happened?’ He asked, in a – dare I say it? – somewhat joking tone.

I shrugged half-heartedly, stuffing my hands into the warm jacket pockets. ‘Maybe. If I was bored I probably wouldn’t have, just for shits and giggles.’

‘That’s mean.’

‘Yes, I’m aware of that. But frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.’ I delivered my reply with the best impression of the iconic _Gone With the Wind_ scene, and I was thankful that Eren seemed to get the reference as he smiled timidly at me. Under no other circumstance would I ever be caught dead calling someone ‘my dear.’

We soon fell into a comfortable silence, and I focused my attention on the changing scenery around us. Compared to the more sophisticated houses you’d have found in my neighbourhood, the small estates that lines either side of the narrow street were frankly concerning, and I had difficulty picturing what kind of people lived there. Most properties were poorly kept, the owners apparently having little to no motivation to invest effort into its maintenance. It made my skin crawl, seeing all the filth polluting every square meter. Every other house had empty alcohol or soda cans littered across their overgrown lawns, and the rubbish bins seemed to be overflowing with things I refused to consider. The whole experience was made all the worse with the knowledge that we were on our way to _Eren’s home_.

He had said earlier that morning that he could go home alone, but both Kuchel and I adamantly refused, and I pretty much had to keep him within arm’s reach in case he tried to bolt. So with a warning glare from my mother that clearly demanded me to find out his address, the two of us went out and began our long walk.

But as I was getting bored of endlessly absorbing the scenery, I decided to bring up a topic which I had been curious about, though was cautious on how it would be taken. ‘I’m going to ask you a question, and feel free to ignore it, but why do you believe in God?’

Unsurprisingly Eren faltered in his steps, but I didn’t bother slowing down, instead waiting for him to catch up. Eventually he did, and after a few extended seconds of him formulating an answer, he replied softly. ‘I’m religious for a lot of reasons. It’s… hard to articulate it all, but I do have faith, as does my mother, and I’m perfectly content with it.’ His tone suggested an evasiveness which I thought was peculiar, but I failed to grasp why.

‘Alright. Give me one reason then.’ Realising how cynical I sounded, I added, ‘I’m not trying to pressure you or anything like that. It’s just I have trouble understanding things about religion, and I’m curious about you.’

‘One reason…’ Eren mumbled after a pause, his eyes downcast and mouth thinned into a line. ‘…I guess… I need something to be hopeful for.’ It was almost as though he were whispering comfort to himself now. ‘I need to know that this is not all there is; that life doesn’t just consist of betrayal and pain. I need to know that I’m not alone… I don’t want to be alone. Maybe… maybe someone is seeing me, understanding me… loving me…’

Raising my brow at his answer, I assessed his expression as I said slowly, ‘Are you implying that you don’t identify as a Christian because you believe in God and the Bible, but because it gives you a sense of hope?’ Immediately Eren’s face contorted into shock at his slip, but I didn’t let him take back his words just yet. ‘Not to be insensitive, but the universe isn’t obligated to give you a sense of hope. In my opinion, we’re just animals that happen to be at the top of the food chain on one meagre planet. We aren’t entitled to some sensation of righteousness, or of a greater future. We can’t have anything guaranteed. It’s nice to believe that there is justice in the world; that all wrongs will be righted, and if we put in the effort, it will pay off. But I’ve never seen any evidence to prove that there will always be justice, nor that there will always be a happy ending for the virtuous and honourable. Hope if good to have, and I can understand why people long for it, but we aren’t born with an entitlement to experience it.’

‘So life only consists of birth, living then death? We live through this linear stream, in a world like clockwork, and are never to hope for something greater that what we have? That’s seems pretty meaningless.’

‘I’m saying that I can’t believe a specie as corrupt as mankind has such cosmic relevance – that we are so much greater than other species that we can experience justice bestowed by a superior being while other mortal animals have to survive through injustice and brutality. But that doesn’t mean that living is meaningless.’ I paused in my track, making Eren do the same so I could stare at him softly. ‘I’m not going to claim this is something I came up with myself, but it’s definitely something I strongly believe in. While religious people and those who believe in some other faith can cling to the belief that there is another chance at existence even after mortal death; atheists don’t have that assurance. We don’t live our lives half-arsed, because we don’t get another shot. We’ve been accused of not having anything to live for, but I disagree; we have _everything_ to live for, and _everything_ to lose. In my opinion, our life is all the more meaningful because we aren’t restricted by some benevolent figure. I don’t know about others, but I’m not missing any sense of hope. Sure, I don’t have any creator to trust in, but that doesn’t matter, because I have plenty to be hopeful about. I have hope in my life, hope in what I can achieve, hope in my aspirations, in my family, my friends. My life is clean and plentiful. Sure, it can be utterly shit at times, but that’s reality. It’s supposed to hurt, it’s supposed make you fight. I once read that “what makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.” None the less, I’m content with my life, too.’

‘So you believe there isn’t a God? No supernatural entity?’

‘Look, even within atheists there are debates on what that term actually meas. For some people atheism is the complete rejection of the belief that there are any supernatural beings, such as with Anton Lavey’s Satanism; but that’s not what I believe in. To me, atheism doesn’t say that there isn’t a God; there isn’t any way to prove that. Instead, I say that there simply isn’t enough irrefutable evidence to tell whether there is or isn’t a God, – and the ‘proof’ presented by the faithful has so far either been refuted or are insufficient – so for the moment I will stay in the belief that there isn’t one, until that is disproven. And if I am ever presented with sufficient evidence, and I’m sure that I haven’t just lost my mind, then after I get over my shock I’m sure I’ll change my beliefs to the existence of the supernatural.’ I shrugged my shoulders, tilting my head to the side to get rid of an ache in my neck. ‘Although, I can’t guarantee that I’ll follow the current religious institutions. That may take more time to get used to.’

He seemed stunned for a moment, but I hadn’t finished yet. ‘However, one thing that I cannot and will not support or accept is _blind_ faith.’ I absently scanned my eyes along the doors of the houses surrounding us, and I wasn’t surprised to see a few crosses being displayed. ‘When people live solely by what is written the Bible, or the testament or the Qur’an without ever questioning their teachings – that is not true faith. That is living as cattle, being led by a farmer with no knowledge of the world. If there is a God, I can’t imagine that he – or whatever pronoun you use – would want his worshippers to follow him around mindlessly. The true believers and the true faithful are those who ask as many questions as they can, and are still able to remain in that religion. Ignorance isn’t love. Meaningless devotion isn’t dedication.’ Running my fingers through the short hair of my undercut, I took a chilling breath and watched as a cloud of mist clouded the air with my exhale, wondering whether time would dissipate just as easily through life. ‘I have issues with people who follow the laws of a two millennia-old book, without even taking into consideration the social, historical or cultural context of it.’

‘Such as?’ When I glanced at Eren, I was pleased to see the genuine sincerity on his face, and I could tell there was no cynicism in his question. Perhaps it was only me, but I thought that there was also a kind of hopefulness in his tone.

‘For example… Christianity on homosexuality.’ Immediately Eren tensed up, so I rushed to continue my point. ‘From what I know, most anti-gays’ main argument is that sentence about if a man lies with another man as he does with a woman, that is an abomination, or something along those lines. Alright, so let’s deconstruct that. I’m no expert, but the aim of most religious moral teachings are to help their society survive, so we have to consider what is written with that aim. Now, during the time when the biblical anecdotes supposedly occurred, a large population was vital to the survival of the group. Back then, a nation’s success wasn’t based on how advanced their technology was, or the strength of their military, or number of missiles. They all had the same basic weapons, so the size of their population was vital. Obviously they would want to discourage anything that would inhibit procreation.

‘Apparently there’s a passage where a guy – Onan, I think – had sex with a woman but came onto the ground, so was struck down by God. There are probably different representations of it, but my perception is that he was killed because he wasted an opportunity to produce offspring, and it was considered a waste to do that; thus had to be punished. Well, if it was a “sin” to have sex for enjoyment – completely forgetting the fact that it’s biologically supposed to feel good – and not to make babies, then it’s understandable why they labelled homosexual behaviour an abomination. But even the word “abomination” wasn’t what it means now. Originally, an abomination simply meant “something that goes against tradition.” It didn’t mean that if a man had sex with another guy, he was committing the worst crime imaginable; only that it wasn’t doing a lot of good for his community. But in this age when the human race is already over populated, what’s the harm in lessening the number of kids that are born? It’s not like people aren’t using contraceptives or anything. Also, if homosexuality was such a devastating thing, it would have been extinguished by Darwinian evolution. The fact that it hasn’t only proves that it serves at least some degree of merit to humanity.’

Eren was gazing at me with a calm, considering expression, without the anxious crease between his brows or the nervous twitch of his eyes, and I questioned whether anyone had put things into that perspective before. ‘Basically what I’m trying to say that if you want to live with religion as your guideline; be my guest. But only for the good. There’s no need or logical reason to adopt all its prejudices and out-dated discriminations as well. Don’t let it restrict the life you lead; only live with faith if it’s going to enrich the quality of life.’ Taking a step back and bowing down like a conductor concluding his orchestral masterpiece, I said grandiosely, ‘And there concludes my daily rant. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, cus’ my tongue is about to fall out.’

Eren barked out a laugh before muffling it with a hand, though even well after I had stood back up, his shoulders were still trembling from the force of his chuckles. I smirked at his reaction, pleased that my usually hopeless sense of humour was taken so well for a change. We started walking again after a while, and we spent a few minutes entirely in silence. It wasn’t until I had started getting used to the lack of a conversation that he broke that pattern, re-initiating the talk.

‘My mother is a theist.’ He began easily, lacking his usual hesitance in speech. ‘She expects me to be so as well, but… I identify more so as a deist. It’s just… the world is so cruel that I have trouble fully believing that the world is governed by some greater being, but it is also so beautiful and complex that I can’t attribute it fully to nature. At the moment, I’m just confused. I haven’t had the opportunity to ask questions and challenge things like you said, but I still need something to believe in. I still need some form of stability, and even if it isn’t the best of all things, I need what my faith provides.’ He then clasped the crucifix hanging around his neck, as though he were drawing warmth from its surface. ‘In all honesty, I can’t call myself a true Christian. My mother would say that I was born one, but that’s not true. No child is born Christian, nor Jewish nor Muslim. They can be born into a Christian family, but they aren’t Christian until they have learned that faith and have reached the same path as others. I think… maybe…’ Suddenly his mood turned solemn and resigned, and I wondered just how volatile his temperament was. ‘I wish things could be different. But at the moment, I can’t change myself like that. I can’t change any of it…’

He seemed to dislike where the conversation was going, and abruptly stopped talking with an apologetic look towards me and turned the collar of his jacket up to cover his lower face. I was still curious about what else he was going to say, but didn’t pry. There would always be more time for pressing on that matter.

Finally Eren signalled to turn into a smaller street, which to my dismay seemed even filthier, and I wasn’t looking forward to what I was going to find.

Suddenly I felt a tug as my sleeve, and I turned to see that Eren had stopped in the middle of the pavement with an unsure expression, signalling that we had arrived. Looking up, I was pleasantly surprised that we were in front of by far the best maintained property I had seen so far. The first impression I got was its likeness to a typical dollhouse, with dainty square windows, off-white walls, and a small patio housing a collection of colourful pots of flowers. Lining the front of the property was a bed of multi-coloured roses giving a soft perfume to anyone who passed by, all enclosed behind a perfectly symmetrical picket fence with pristine white paint, all points formed into a perfect triangle. I noted that there was no car, or any sign of opulence despite the cleanliness.

Despite the seemingly picturesque image of modern suburbia, there was something in its uniformity that put me on edge, as though the owners were trying too hard to appear as normal as possible, thus making it stand out like a sore thumb. The geometric angles of the roof was to me too planned, the flowers too vibrant to be natural, and the lawn was pruned with such immaculate care that I would have been surprised if there was a single blade of grass out of line. Somehow, I found its perfection disturbing.

‘This is where you live?’ I asked, keeping my eyes strained on the house. After a beat of silence I saw Eren in my peripheral vision nod his head slowly, then began opening the front gates, allowing us to enter. Within a few steps we were at the front door, and Eren reached up to grasp a spare key hidden on top of the door frame. After he struggled with the lock for a bit, Eren finally managed to shove the door open, but only let it go a fraction of the way, so all I could see from the gap were hazy outlines barely noticeable in the darkness that followed, probably due to the closed curtains and off lights.

‘Um, thank you for walking me home Levi. I’ll see you on Monday.’ He tried to slip through the crack of the door, but I managed to get a hold on his jacket before he could accomplish his escape. Eren seemed a little peeved at me for intervening, furrowing his brows in a way that expressed his annoyance. ‘Is there something else?’

‘Is that it? You’re not going to let me in?’

‘What for?’

‘I don’t know. Isn’t it etiquette to invite someone inside for a drink or something?’

‘You don’t care about etiquette Levi. You know that. Anyway, we already had a drink at your place.’ Eren tried reasoning with me, but I was adamant to at least know why he didn’t want me inside his house.

‘Well now I need to take a piss. So let me use your toilet.’

Eren sighed loudly, pushing his hair out of his face so that I would be able to see the sincerity in his expression. I would probably have missed what he said as I was again entranced by his vivid eyes – what genetic perfection did he inherit to get eyes like that, anyway – if it weren’t for the slight waver in his words, as though there were more secrets buried beneath what he said.

‘I’m sorry, I really am. But I just can’t let you in.’ Using the second it took for me to process his words, Eren slipped through the door and was about to shut it behind him, but I narrowly managed to jam my booted foot between it, stopping him in his tracks.

‘At least tell me why. Don’t I deserve that much?’ Perhaps it wasn’t fair for me to play at his good will, but knowing that mum was going to grill me about every minor detail of this trip, there was no way I could walk away without a single bone to give.

For a minute Eren seemed to consider my statement, chewing on his lip and darting his eyes around the room. At length he eased the pressure on my aching foot and said in a voice barely above a whisper, ‘Mum can’t know that you were here. Trust me; she would know if you came inside.’

Although I wasn’t exactly satisfied with the answer – why would she even care? How would she know? Does she have some bias against me? – I knew I wouldn’t get anything more out of him, so I retracted my foot and allowed the door to slowly close after Eren breathed a last goodbye. I waited until I heard footsteps leading away to step off the patio, and I did my best to take in every detail of my walk off the property.

Just as I was about to move out of sight from the Jaeger house, I looked back only to immediately meet glances with a barely distinguishable figure standing by a second-story window, hand pressed flat against the glass as though he were longing to get out. Recognising the clothes he wore as Eren’s, I raised my hand in an imitation of a wave, and I only turned back around when he returned the gesture.

Turning the corner out of his street, I flipped out my smart phone and speed-dialled a familiar number, not having to wait very long until Hanji’s booming voice was reverberating through my ear. But I had no time to waste, so I immediately cut her off.

‘I know where he lives.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you were interested, a lot of Levi's thoughts on religion comes from Richard Dawkin's book 'The God Delusion,' which I thought was a brilliant insightful read. Some other references were an interview with Ricky Gervais on atheism, Q&A's with Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, and a few other novels. The quote about expecting life to feel like heaven comes from the novel "Damned" by Chuck Palahniuk.
> 
> To my friend who threatens to kill me if I don't update (you know who you are), take this chapter as my offering and grant me a few more weeks of peace. Thanks.

**Author's Note:**

> All comments are appreciated. If there are any mistakes, please let me know and I'll be sure to fix it.  
> Bye


End file.
